Saturday, August 25, 2012


The title is the reason it has been so long since my last post.  And I still don't know the answer....
I have always been transparent...maybe to a fault.  I have total writers block when I am not transparent.  I may have no readers left.   And its time to start the Christmas Blog. 
The Tree schedule is set or at least almost.  But that's not the point of this post. 

I am just going to write one of my random posts and see where it goes. Most of you know I am walking in a hard place...very hard place, hardest place in my life   That's another problem, I have so many friends in the fight with very sick children and adults that are in cancer battles.  I have friends that need work, friends that are going thru divorces...all that sounds more serious than mine. But pain is pain and we all have our own.

I have a report from Marie on Crew that I knew you would love to hear. I know you love hearing from her....

Hello! Well he is 16 pounds of beautiful baby! His kidneys are no better so they are keeping a close eye to make sure it's not getting worse. Still on all medication. His bladder is growing but not enough to do the tests they need, so we are just waiting to see what his body does. Tomorrow is our first spina bifida clinic in Little Rock so we shall see what that brings! He also has to have more kidney tests tomorrow. We are there at least once every couple weeks! Then on September 6th we fly to New York to see a neurosurgeon specialist about his head. Because of laying on his back 24/7 for 4 months his skull is flat and a little misshaped. This doctor said it may explain his vomiting. It's a miracle we can get into him, he is known as the "miracle doc" in NY and on good morning America and all sorts of shows! I emailed him and the same day he emailed back and said be would be happy to evaluate Crew! So that's what's going on with him right now! Hope all is well! Gotta get some sleep for this drive at 4 am!

Another prayer request happened right here in my town to a family I know.  The Dad is a well respected trauma surgeon at our Medical Center.  Wednesday for some reason and it was very unusual for him to take his 6 mo baby girl, Lourdes, to the day care.  Their only child!  He comes from a wonderful Christian family that is well known in my town.  On the way the hospital called and he got very distracted and a patient needed surgery ASAP.  He pulled in the hospital and you know the rest of the story...The wife called later and said they had called from day care wondering where Lourdes was. He raced to his car but she was already dead from the heat.  A tragedy, an accident...can you even imagine? Please say a prayer for this family. 

You will never know how much your emails to me asking if I was OK have meant....Bloggers are the kindest people.  I have thought about taking my blog private for a season.  I don't even know how to do that.  Guess we will see!

WE are going thru a very rough time in our family.  Our hearts are broken and getting up everyday is pretty much the accomplishment I do each day.  We are not seeing the "littles" and the kids had been our life for so many years.   

Today was an extra hard day.
When I got up there was an email address in my inbox that I had not seen in 3 plus years.   It really does not matter who it was from, to me it was just God telling me he still new my name and where I was.....I am going to share it with you without the name.....and if you need to know the same thing, claim this letter for yourself.

I don't really know how to start this letter and have contemplated writing it for a year. The time has come where God is not letting me go another day without getting it done. I don't recall exactly what I said to you the last time I wrote you, but I do know it was terribly unkind and hurtful. I am certain you probably remember it close to word for word. That is the thing about hurtful words. The offender is able to forget them but those we offend are left with the memory of them and the way they felt when they were spoken. I could sit here and list everything I was going through at the time and offer them up as reasons but they would be excuses. I cannot excuse the way I treated you. The truth is, I remember most everything about the last email I recieved from you. Your words hurt me but they didn't hurt because you said them. They hurt because they were the truth. I did not recieve them in love, like I know you spoke them. I rejected them and tried to hurt you back. It was wrong and for that I am so very sorry. Proverbs 27:6 says "Wounds from a friend are better than kisses from an enemy." I wish I could sit down with myself a few years back and impart the wisdom from that one verse to that lost person.
I have found grace and forgiveness with my husband, my God, and my family. I have worked so very hard to earn the trust back that I lost with so many. I don't know why it has taken me so long to write this letter to you. It is certainly not because I forgot that I treated you so poorly. It is nothing more than me being a coward and fear of rejection. What God has revealed to me in my procrastination is that my apology is not about me. It is solely about you.
Teresa, I have loved you from the moment I met you and anyone I ever spoke your name to, I referred to you as my "spiritual mother". I am ashamed and embarassed it took me so long to right this wrong and I hope you can one day forgive me. You did not deserve the way I treated you. I hope you know it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me.
I wish you nothing but the very best,
That my friend came from God. 
Please comment and let me know you are still out there in blogland.
I am sorry I have been away so long.