As WE Near the End of the Hardest Week of our Lives

Today I am posting this for you or at least I think I am.  Maybe I need to document the despair so someday I can look back and see how far we have come. 
I am sure that very soon someone is going to read something other than my heart in some post I write. It may be this one.  For the first time all week I am NOT at the hospital.  Amanda (you are an angel) told me to stay here at the hotel and try to sleep (which so far has been impossible) and she went alone.  Partly because I have been sick all week and it’s just gotten worse by the day. Just an upper respiratory crud.  I did start an antibiotic yesterday, regardless the fact that I lost my voice and trying to talk has worn me out plus I have  coughed up several lungs a day. Every time they come in the room  to give Jack a breathing treatment, I want to ask them to give me one too.  Add to that Jack must have gotten confused about his days and nights and called Amanda and me at the hotel all night wondering why we were not back yet, so sick and sleep deprived may be the only reason I can hardly move...the other reason is if I do have a bug, I really don't need to pass it to Jack...There are so many decisions to make, so much RED TAPE, it is just overwhelming. Thank you Christi for being an  EAR last night to a very croupy desperate friend. I know you must have been thinking take a drink and clear your throat.  I wish it was that easy. Amanda just told me the research you did and that helped us make at least one decision. 
As much as I know all the right words,  all the faith words,  all the friends that have asked to help, this lover of control and knowing how, when and where we are going to do things, is having the worst day yet.  I get it that its only been 6 days.  I hear Roger’s words when he tells me this will not be fast and that I cannot fix it.  I hear them but I guess the real problem is I think if I THINK hard enough, (out of the box), if I HOPE hard enough, if I WORK hard enough, that I can change it.
I absolutely feel hopeless today....I can handle surgery, broken bones, critically ill little's but I have found something I cannot handle and that's  a stroke..Jack seems to have such a blank stare, though he knows everyone and everything,has been calling friends on the phone, reading the paper, he has taken steps, talks to us about normal things, but that monotone blank look I see scares me to death.   I have heard all the “Stuff” about how that it is possible that he will get everything back and that it does not happen fast.  For a person that thrives on getting things accomplished and knows absolutely nothing about strokes....those are just WORDS and I wonder if they are just saying them to keep me sane. (If that's it, its failed) Every person that has driven to Dallas to visit us, I have wanted to get in the car and go home with them....If you ask them how I was doing they would tell you fine, because I am fine when they are here at least on the outside.  One thing I have learned is that OLD FRIENDS, are the BEST FRIENDS.  It totally blows my mind when I think about the people that have walked through the doors of Baylor hospital this week.  For none of them was it convenient or probably even easy.  I have had a CRASH COURSE in what really matters and what really helps, when someone is going through a life threatening crisis, ESPECIALLY away from home.  And this is certainly no guilt trip on anyone, because I have been as guilty as anyone in the way I handled it with others. 
Jack is about the same today….for some reason his back is hurting bad which could be anything from being in the bed a long time to maybe an UTI.  He is also very congested, so not sure if those two things will delay our move back to Shreveport. 
I cannot tell you how much I need to see the little’s and how much Amanda needs to see her boys…Either way we will see them this weekend.
I love everyone of you for all the encouraging words…someday they will encourage me, but for today I have got to get myself together. 
And just so that you know I am still OK, MS. FOX NEWS as my friends call me, does know that Brett has Randy Moss to throw to on Monday night…Inside joke to those that love football.  But all other news you will have to get yourself for awhile…

TOO TIRED or MAYBE TOO AFRAID

I had the best intentions of posting last night. Set up the computer at the hotel, looked at it and knew the ABSOLUTELY only thing I had energy for was to fall in the bed. Number one, I have totally lost my voice, probably from crying so much and maybe because I already had a tad of the crud when I got here last week.  Amanda is leaving to go to Walmart
to get me some meds and get Jack a phone charger.  THAT'S RIGHT, he WANTS HIS PHONE and in  maybe another day, you can CALL him and NOTHING WOULD MAKE HIM HAPPIER. 
We have gotten a much too fast paced course in STROKE.  I could have lived all my life without knowing the details. Part of me is AFRAID to post the highs as we have been told this is a roller coaster ride and we could take some giant dips when we least expect it.  That’s not negative talk, just stroke talk.  Next point, I HATE roller coasters and always have.(remember I like control)
insert..this has nothing to do with anyone but Marcy, but after 5 days I have clean hair.  That will be an inside joke to a few.  I had done little more that look at my hair for almost 5 days and I will tell you it got bigger and uglier by the day. 
Jack had a good day yesterday…got moved to the regular floor late in the day, the tubes out with the exception of the pic line. THAT’S a HUGE PLUS.  He is speaking much better, really almost normal.
He has cracked a few jokes, he took 2 or 3 steps, he can feed himself, he read USA today, he got real pajamas pants, he smiled, but according to him this is a conspiracy theory and he did not have a STROKE.  To all who know him well, you get this.  Saying all that, today may be totally different.  I am certainly not saying he is normal.  But if you knew how far we have come in 48 hours, when he was merely hours from   death you would understand. Thus the scare to post!
Overwhelmed with all the love that has been sent to us, that by itself makes me cry every time. Thank you. Thank you. I pray there will be a day I can return the gift.  But please do not stop praying.  Your words are our lifeline to the real world. 
Jan Allison, never in a million  years will you know how much your visit meant yesterday.  Laughter is medicine and that's a fact.  You are beautiful inside and out and tell your Dad I don’t even mind contributing to your wardrobe. 
If you are a tree customer, do not WORRY.  We will be there and I am hoping to get an email out later today..(really Terri will)..Terri, you researching  all the rehabs, getting all the details,  getting the paper work going, and a million other details…the ultimate definition of a friend. 
Today I got up knowing that somehow I will see the little's this week.  How I need some HUGS. 
OK specific prayer request for today because you have ask. 
1.  stable blood pressure and all other important numbers for Jack and for those working with him to encourage us. 
2.  a renewed physical energy for me and Amanda.
3.  that we get the same doctor we had yesterday.  She had a smile that would change the world.  (plus Tammy she needs help planning a visit to the Mouse)
4.  that breathing for us becomes a bit easier and we can just RELAX for 30 seconds.
Sending my love to everyone of you.  Amanda just told me to GET DRESSED. 
ROGER, you are my hero.  Somehow God knew  ever how many years ago when you and Jack met in HS, that there would be this day when we needed you. 
Teresa
no time to proof.  Terri if you see any horrible typos, correct them.
by the way that last post about followers really was a joke...you know  I think the following this  is CRAZY and as much as I love you if you want to, that is the least of the reasons I BLOG

WARNING....YOU MAY NOT LIKE ME AS MUCH AFTER THIS POST

For the next few weeks and months you may want to skip my blog.  I will post an update on Jack at the beginning and then you may want to just quit.   It will  not be all cute pictures and stories of the little's, it will be hard and raw gut feelings because right now that's all I can write. I will certainly understand if you don't want to read them.  The good news is after the test today the bleed has stopped or at least was the same as yesterday.  Jack was moved back to the stroke floor and everything, at least for now seems to be as good as you can be three days after suffering  a major stroke and according to Roger probably being only a few hours from death had someone not found him. Roger knows much more about the first hours as he got to the hospital much quicker than we did.  But I need to find some fight and get on board and stop crying....(I know that because I have spent the last 2 hours on the phone with Roger getting some counsel on why I have fallen apart.  He is the doctor friend I told you about yesterday that has  walked with us this week, treated us for any ailment we had for 25 years but also a friend that I can say anything to. BUT, he would and does say anything to me.  It’s REAL with us and the difference is he is not only medical brilliant, but he knows me.  And I am sure before the week ends he will have to say some hard things to me. 
It has not been a good day for me or Amanda.  Actually it has been the hardest day for me, even though we had more wonderful friends drive in to see us…Laura Wade…you blew our mind with the gift bag…I have owned a gift basket business for 20 years and have never put together anything like what you brought us.  Seeing you and Bill today was the high point of our day…You are as beautiful as ever and Bill you have not aged a day….kind of made me sick…Danny and Debbie…taking time out of your day was a gift to us. Thank you.   If any of you called today, I am so sorry I did not answer.  We were bombarded with some facts that I just could not deal with and it was like someone opened a faucet and I could not stop crying…..Greg and Micah went home late today.  They needed to and Jack was stable enough for them to go work a couple of days, check on the little's, but their goodbyes were gut wrenching .  These two men love Jack so much and are not shy about telling him and showing him.  So tonight it is just me and Amanda and we have different rooms.  We needed to grieve alone. All we had to do today was look at each other and the water works started again.  So I am assuming she has been asleep for hours and I am on my normal schedule blogging.  Remember I said this is going to be  RAW WRITING.  I am scared to death of a thousand things.  The “What if’s” and “How will we?” are my constant companions and at one point today I wanted to run out of the room and just keep running.  For a control person to have absolutely NO CONTROL, may require professional help.  They gave me a stack of literature on dealing with a stroke and I came to the hotel, took it out of my purse and threw it in the trash.  They needed to talk to me about an  inpatient acute REHAB CENTER in SHREVEPORT and I told them we do not do REHAB, we do DISNEY.  (Just need to throw this in because some of my tree people are my FB friends…Do not worry about your tree…I will be there just like normal and make your home magical.) At this point I don’t have every detail worked out, but I will. 
Tonight there were 342 emails…Talk about feeling loved. Knowing how much your MAN is loved and being prayed for is more than I can ask for.  Eventually I will answer those emails, phone messages and texts, but for right now, the blog and FB is all I have the energy to do.  Please know that I appreciate them…Two of JACK’S old football players called today and again it reminded me what an impact he had on kids he coached. Mike McClendon, your text today made us laugh and then I cried again.  Amanda read it to Jack and he even had a slight smile.  I wish I could hug you and we could solve the worlds problems. 
The fact is our lives are changed forever.  That means a lot of different things and only time will tell exactly how.  So I will be honest and tell you I did not do good today…have never felt weaker, and am so disappointed in ME for not being better at this. 
I would love to say its because its almost tree season and there are just lots of things to get done.  BUT the real reason is that Jack has treated me like a Queen for all our married years.  My close friends are all reading this and shaking their heads YES, and some will even be saying I never appreciated it enough.   My feelings (which really should be on the back burner now) are that I am so scared that I will not be able to serve him the same way.  And that’s just the UGLY facts.  I know that because Roger just told me that and as bad as that stings, he is (as always) RIGHT.  SO if you want to UNFOLLOW me now,(that’s blog language)  just remember I always told you that I had no idea where we were going and now that I do, I am pretty sure you do NOT want to FOLLOW.  You still will not be wasting prayers on Jack as he is not out of the woods, but you can also pray that I can get my stuff together.  Micah and Greg leaving left me even more scared.  One of them had been next to me and Amanda for 3 days.  So you have seen the UGLY me, but I need to keep it real.  One of the sweetest things all day….Amanda knew I was crying when she left to go to her room…she left and a minute later walked back in and hugged me and said “Mom, we will not let you and Dad take one step without us. This is not Dad’s battle, this is our families battle and we will all do life together.”!  If you are not so depressed after this post, that you will never come back, tomorrow night I promise some of the sweetest pictures Micah and Dana emailed me of the little's. 
Its almost 3 now so I know I am in trouble….Amanda told me to go to bed at 10
I love everyone of you that have contacted me and at some point I will call or text.   Sheila, if you are reading this I need to talk to you tomorrow…I know I will not make it home for Friday, so relook at your schedule.  I have never needed you more. And Roger I know you are still up as you just text me...if you make it to the end of this, thank you for being BRUTALLY honest with me tonight. Ambien is calling my name.
With love,
Teresa
(Linda, if you are reading this, please do not check it for proper grammar or punctuation.)

I AM NOT SURE WHERE TO START

Not even sure where to start and forgive the typos tonight.  I have had one hour sleep in about the last 37 hours, but was not going to lay down tonight until I wrote a  post.  It is a rare thing for my adult son and I to share a hotel room and Amanda and Micah next door .  But that’s it tonight.  Just us. The four of us have been a team for the past 48 hours. You would be the three I would pick every time.   The day  did not start good.  We got a call very early that Jack had some setbacks during the night and they were moving him to the most serious part of the ICU, then arriving there and not seeing him for a couple of hours while they did yet another cat scan. Then there  was almost an altercation when  a bit of a smart A** neurologist, a young female doctor  told me and this is a direct quote “You ask too many questions”!  I could see all three kids out of the corner of my eye and knew exactly what they were thinking …"LADY, I would be very careful,my Mom will have you written up by the head of Baylor Medical Center before you can get out of this room”! Really all I did was stand up and say, “I will ask as many questions as I have and if you cannot answer them find someone that can.”  She was not in doubt about what I meant.    That was not the thing to say to a very tired lady going on no sleep and scared to death that the man she had been married to for 37 years was about to die.  I wish we were in Shreveport, we are NOT.  We have not seen the same doctor twice since we arrived.  Each one enters the room saying, Get me up to speed on what has happened”!  That would be computers, reports, previous doctors…That's a story for another day.  I need them to give me information and not me give it to them.  When I was finally able to get to my email, which I had cleaned out the day before all this happened, I had 212 emails, more texts and messages on my phone than I can count…Tonight there is another 187 emails.  Tonight I am too emotional to even tell you what they have meant.  Yesterday we were strong, today Amanda and I both have cried most of the day…That really hard ugly cry,  Greg and Micah have both had their moments, they are scared, but they have tried to take care of us. INSERT..Greg is now snoring.  To everyone  of you I can only say thanks from the bottom of our heart…the notes from his football players from past days would make Amanda and I bawl our eyes out.  We both look like we have been run over and then run over again.  There would be times the doctors were so grim, then a text would come at just the right moment. EVERY TEXT message or email encouraged us.  I know many of you have called…to be honest we just could not talk without crying so we turned our phones off.  The MRI did show a bleed, we pray that the one tomorrow shows it has stopped.  Because of the bleed, that means no aspirin or blood thinners and for someone with a heart issue that’s not your first choice. Jack’s heart has had some abnormal things going on…He has lost 34 pounds of fluid in 24 hours…pumping the lasix in.  I am not going into all the medical stuff because it could all be different tomorrow and its complicated. 
I am going to do something I  probably should not tonight because I am going to leave someone out.. If I leave you out I will wake up in  the middle of the night and remember…but two couples that are some of our oldest friends from our coaching days arrived about lunch.. Each drove a long way..Linda and James, Tommie and Wayne, you were the best medicine Jack has received.  We could see a total difference after you were here.  I know it was not easy for you to see him right now.  I saw it in your faces and in the tears in your eyes. Forever we will love you for making the trip today.  Debbie thanks for the key and the offer of your home. Your closeness to the hospital may be something I take you up on.
Terri, you have done more than we could ever repay…bringing us another car today, taking care of so many little things for us, picking up some meds for me and driving Greg’s car, the car dealers car that has needed an inspection sticker for a year and he works where he could get one. I am so glad that you are here now.
Jean, thank you for helping me get in touch with Larry…that was a weird request and you jumped right on it. And if you see him before me tell him thanks.  Sara you have been such a help taking care of Bella
Mike McClendon, I could not talk to you on the phone  without totally falling apart.   Amanda and I cried and cried when you said you would hop on a plane from California if we needed you.  I know how much you love Coach and don’t ever doubt for one second how much he loves you. Barb, thank you for calling from Chicago. I might not know the power of prayer without your example.   Johnny thank you for encouraging Greg…He has tried to be so strong and there has never been a boy that loved his Dad anymore than Greg loves Jack.  I have seen his lip tremble more than a few times in the last 2 days, felt his arm around my shoulder telling me everything was going to be OK, when I knew he was not sure.  Micah, your love for POP has been so evident and your hugs never more needed…and the way you love on my girl makes me love you more.  You were due that break down in the middle of the day.  We have all  had to let it go and just cry. Dana, thanks for taking care of ALL the little's and keeping their minds off POP. Pam, thank you for calling at just the right time and praying with me.  We had just gotten some scary news and were all trying to process it. Jonathan thanks for coming by. It was so good to see you.  Elizabeth, I just saw where you started the prayer page. I love you. Amanda, thank you for every time you got down close to DAD and begged him to FIGHT. He heard you.  There is no doubt that prayer got us through today and we even saw HOPE late this afternoon. And it was your prayers because I have been too overwhelmed to even pray.  Jack moved his left hand for the first time late today.  He can move all four extremities and his speech is  much better.  We are not out of the woods.  The bleed is still a huge concern..and I am a planner and for the first time in a long time and maybe ever, I can make no plans past tomorrow.  Period.  I have no clue what the next few weeks and months  hold.
Roger, you will never read this but we could not have made the past two days without you.  Your knowledge and lay term explanations have been invaluable  and your humor has  literally kept us sane. You are a ONE and ONLY, nobody else like you and man are we glad to have called  you friend for more years than I want to type. Happy Birthday…knowing you are a phone call away helps us get some sleep.  I know I have forgotten someone…My brain is fried. 
We understand now how close we came to losing Jack on Saturday morning.  That the flight crew did not really think he would make it, that a receptionist at the hotel found him and began to pray. I cannot even imagine what it was like those 4 hours he was laying in the floor waiting for help.  
I am going to sleep for a few hours feeling more encouraged than last night.  We had the kindest nurse today and she told me she had seen people in MUCH worse shape than Jack make full recoveries.  I needed to hear that.
I will try to post again tomorrow night…and praying that it will be good news.

with gratitude to God,
Teresa

FROM TERESA

Its almost 3 Am and I am not sure
I can put three sentences together, but will try.  Terri has been so wonderful to post for me today…She was at our house in a matter of minutes of me getting the call and was able to go and help my Amanda get ready….and watch baby Jack. 
the manager of the Hampton Inn where they found Jack called me before we left Shreveport  to tell me we had as many rooms as we needed as long as we were in Dallas as their guest.  There are still kind people in the  world.  We are at the hotel for a few hours, though I am afraid sleep may not come. we have no idea how long Jack had been on the floor trying to get help when they found him after having to bust the door in.  It has been a nightmare.  We are so fortunate to have a very close friend that is a doctor…actually Jacks roommate from college and he was here several hours before us and has helped make every decision plus he speaks to us in lay terms and consults with the doctors.  We may be going back to the hospital as his heart rate has been dropping.  Without going into a million details,he had a stoke, he is in congestive heart failure and his kidney functions are not good.  Now they just called and his heart rate is dropping…  He is in ICU, in the stroke pod….whatever that is.  He has been in tremendous pain and this is a man that never complains about anything. He had a horrible procedure with no sedation and may never forget the trauma of that..and then the central line came out and he lost lots of blood quickly…
He does know us and we are all here…Dana stayed home with the babies. Parker does not know so should you run into him, say nothing.  Tomorrow there is a possibility of surgery as his ceratoid (sp) artery has some blockage.  There will be a consult with a vascular surgeon.  So at this point please pray that his breathing stabilizes and  that he makes it through the night….the next 24 hours are critical…I cannot thank you enough for all your prayers, texts, calls.  We have very limited cell coverage in the hospital…if you need to call into his room, the number is T325
214 818 8825
nurses station 214 820 3909
We are all here…..Micah flew in from a business trip in San Antonio and Greg and Amanda are with me so we are ok.   Will write more when I can.  Please pray the he lives, as 4 little boys really need this man……
With hearts full of gratitude, thanks
   for your prayers,
Teresa

10:00 pm Update

Here's the latest update from Teresa (via Terri):

Jack is still in the er and they are trying to move him to icu within a few hours.  His central line has been pulled out (I'm not sure if Jack pulled it out or if dr. did it). Anyway he had a bleed out from the central line and is in a lot of pain.  They cannot give him any pain medication because his blood pressure is too high.  So immediate need is to pray for his pain to get better.  The cat scan was inconclusive for now and will not know anything more for another 24 hrs.

Teresa cannot possibly answer all the calls or texts but wants everyone to know she appreciates your prayers and concerns.  So if possible take time to pray instead of calling and keep checking back on the blog or Facebook for the most current updates she is sending to me.

UPDATE ON JACK

(post from Terri via phone call from Teresa @ 5:00 pm Oct. 2, 2010)

We made it to Dallas in record time -- about 2 hours. Jack is in critical condition and it has been confirmed he did have a stroke.  His blood pressure is elevated, kidney and heart function are not at normal levels, and he cannot move on his left side.  They are getting ready to do a cat scan of his brain to see if there are any blockages and if so he may be taken to surgery to correct it.

Jack was the driver for a bus trip and was at the hotel in Waxahachie, Texas. When he didn't come down for the 10:30 am departure this morning, they checked his room and found him on the floor. He was airlifted to Baylor Medical Center from there mainly because the hospital in Waxahachie did not have the clot-dissolving drug they thought he would get.  But as it turns out Jack was not able to get the drug because it has to be giving within a 4 hour window and they were not sure of how long it had been since he had the stroke.

Thanks to everyone for your prayers -- I've been overwhelmed with love and concern from many of you my friends, but I have not been able to answer calls or texts as you can imagine.  I will be calling Terri with updates so you can be sure you all have the lastest info from her.  More importantly, you will know specifically what to pray. We found out one of Jack's nurses is Ky Faciane's sister (Dr. Fred Lowery's son-in-law) so that has been a blessing. Now we need as many prayers to go out as possible so spread the word for us.

EMERGENCY PRAYER NEEDED

POSTED FOR TERESA BY TERRI (HER ELF HELPER)

Teresa just found out her husband Jack has had a stroke. He's in Waxahachie, Texas and is being airlifted to a hospital.  Please pray for God's healing and emergency grace for Teresa and her children as they travel from Shreveport to the hospital in Texas. She wanted me to get this on her blog to get the prayers out there started on their behalf.

I will update as I get more info.

NEED YOUR KNOWLEDGE

I have another post coming, as we are taking a short GIRLS trip this weekend. BUT I need a little help from my friends.  Plus I think everyone will enjoy the ANSWERS I get. Hope you will answer any or all of them. Many times I will read a recommendation on someone's blog about a product and then cannot go back and find it.

FIVE QUESTIONS…
1. What is your favorite brand, (name, count, etc) of sheets and where do you purchase them?

2, What are your favorite brands or kind of pajamas.  I am looking for some new brands (I really love PJ’s)

3. WHAT is YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE?

4. Where do you find Pumpkin seeds in the store? Remember I don’t cook and
I have looked! Once I find them, how do you use them,  I have heard about bloggers toasting them.

5, I NEED To FIND NEW BEDDING for a bedroom and would love to find it online and soon. As much of a shopper as I was in past years, I am a 180 degrees opposite now…GIVE ME THE INTERNET.  My friends accuse me of being no fun shopping anymore,  OH WELL!! I think I want some shade of RED in a Duvet/Down Comforter and use red and gold in the room.  I like the shabby chic/elegant look.. Bet you never heard of that combo. 
 this is kind of the colors in my living area  and i want to pull out the red and gold for this particular bedroom.
If there happens to be some blogger out there or one that you know that needs a project or maybe someone in school that could use one, I would  like to talk to them .  I am willing to pay or barter,I just do not have time to look!  I would love to look at great catalogs, great sites, etc. We could work something out,  I am  willing to spend a moderate amount on the bedding..want to find something I really like. 
If your answers are too long for the comment section, email me at annah99@aol.com