Nothing has gone right and with every procedure there have been multiple complications. I will just leave it at that. Ashley is very critical. Over the weekend I realized that they had air transported her back to a hospital in my city. Her family lives in a town about an hour away.
Through the years I have sent Trish cards (how easy), prayed and asked others to pray, but we had never even talked. On Saturday I called the hospital and had no idea if I would be able to get thru to her. I did...and just told her that I wanted to serve her any way I could..if it was nothing more than food or a diet coke. Ashley's alarms began to go off and we had to hang up. Let me interject, I am not a hospital person....it just creeps me out, the smell when I walk in actually makes me sick...any hospital, then walking the halls and seeing people with their doors open and alone breaks my heart. I have spent a lot of time with family members in the hospital, so it's not like I cannot do it, I just normally choose not to. And anytime I have been in the hospital, all I could think about was getting out. I have a staph phobia and it has been rampant in hospitals here. I just don't want you to think I am a regular hospital visitor. BUT today, I knew I had to go. Sometimes you JUST KNOW that you are supposed to do something. I stopped by a local bakery and picked up some yummy treats..and packaged a little gift box, which was such a little thing...Because of my business I live in a store. I wanted to think of something that would really meet a need but I had no clue. I am actually embarrassed that I took something so trivial. I had no idea that I would actually get to see Ashley but I made my way up to the PICU and ask if they could give something to Trish. When they said I could go in the room, I almost panicked. What if I could not stop crying? They had me gown up, another panic, what if I had a hot flash? The moment I saw Trish I felt like I had known her all my life. I walked in while there were some problems and several people working on her...She was as beautiful, vent and all, as all her pictures on the blog. Trish was being the Mom I had always envisioned that she was, speaking so lovingly to Ashley, telling her how brave she was, constantly checking her, watching the monitors, visiting with me...being kind to all those that were taking care of her..I thought of all the little things I whine and complain about, how little things can upset me, how I have 4 healthy little's and a healthy family. How we come and go, plan trips, watch too much TV, sleep in great beds with great sheets every night, and many days our biggest decision is where we will go to eat. God, help me NEVER
again take normal ordinary days for granted.
I met a real HERO today. A MOM holding on to hope when things look really bad. A MOM thankful for a couch to sleep on as she has only had a chair in the other hospital for weeks. A Mom that has watched her little love go into the OR so many times in the last few weeks, that I have lost count. A Mom that has had to sign consent forms that I am not sure I could sign. A MOM so concerned about how this is affecting her other two children. I saw courage in action and transparency in a new friend that has lots of questions and few answers. We visited for several hours, shared stories, shared our faith and when I left I knew I did not go to the hospital today for Trish, but I went for me. I walked out of that hospital, got in my car and asked God to put the picture of that hospital room in my face every time I complained about anything or took one blessing for granted. I ask him to change me...So thank you Trish for letting me see your life, see your little girl (there are even bigger fingerprints on my heart tonight) thank you for sharing your heart and your hurt. I hope in the days to come I can be God's hand extended to you. I don't have any answers and all the same questions you do, so you will never hear any neatly packaged spiritual words from me.
As you read this post, say a special prayer for Ashley and her amazing MOM.