Sorry I have been absent for a day, almost two. I actually feel bad about it, so many of you have been praying. I am going to get you up to speed with as few words as I can. (that’s probably not possible) The main reason I have not posted is that I am sick as a dog….probably the first cold I have had in 3 or 4 years and it has traveled…but losing my voice has just worn me out. Then last night I started running fever…I slept 13 hours straight today. I would probably be well had I not been under a tad bit of stress and had very little sleep…But don’t worry about me…I am going to get a B12 shot and maybe a little celestone tomorrow and I feel sure I will be fine by the first of the week. If I’m not then YOU NEED TO WORRY!
Exactly a week ago I was sitting on the couch, still in my pajamas, ready to clean house and then take my girls to Canton the next day. At 10:30 AM the phone rang and Jack’s cell phone number came up on our TV (I love caller ID on the TV)! I answered like I have a thousand other times when he is on the road. I did not even say hello, just picked up the phone and said “what’s going on?” LIFE CHANGED IN THAT SECOND.
Instead of Jack, it was a member of the Life Flight crew about to load him in the helicopter and they were calling to tell me he had been found in his hotel room, they felt like he had a stroke, he was alive and they were taking him to Dallas to one of two hospitals. I am too tired tonight but one day I will tell you the entire story and the GOD stops that happened within the first few hours. I know much more about it now than I did a week ago as Jack remembers every detail of what happened, plus I have been able to talk at length with the hotel staff. That is another story.
I was thinking about a post earlier and I realized that I had 100 posts from this last week. It is a week I never want to repeat but a week I witnessed miracle after miracle. I saw a strength in my kids that I had no idea they had, and if I ever doubted we were a village, I know now that together we can do this. It has been a week that everyone of us has had to step way out of our comfort zones. We have learned that laughter even in the storm, will get you through the next few hours. I learned that Amanda is stronger than I ever dreamed and her glass is always half full, even with tears running down her face. I learned that Greg and I are even more alike than I thought.. I learned that Dana and Micah are team players and will do whatever needs to be done and that Pop is loved by them as much as his own kids. I learned that Amanda and I could live with far less clothes than we thought..(as in we had very few with us)! Thank you Target for being close by…and to all those that were in Target the night we were, thanks for not stopping us as we walked around the store crying. It just happened to hit us as we walked through the door. I learned that Doctors that have taken Bed Side Manners 101 make life a lot easier when you have a major problem and are away from home. I learned that some people that went into nursing should have pursued another career, maybe one where you did not have to deal with the public. On the other hand I learned that a great nurse MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE. We had both. I relearned something that I had learned when my parents were sick. EVERY PATIENT NEEDS AN ADVOCATE. PERIOD. I learned that if you have a friend that is a doctor (and I know that is not the case for everyone) and he is at your side…you get a different level of respect. (Roger I owe you big time. The fact that you were in town was a miracle in itself)
I learned that Jack touched the lives of more football players in his 30 plus years of coaching than I ever dreamed. They appeared at the hospital door from near by and some that had to drive hours after someone called them or they read it on FB…and that's a post I cannot go near right now for fear of bawling my eyes out which is not the best medicine for a cold. So today, 7 days later, I am smarter than I was this time last Saturday. I am humbled, I am grateful, I am amazed at the goodness of people, nice still exists. I know far more how to help others in a similar situation in the future. I know what makes a difference and what gives hope. I know what it means for someone to say, “let me know if there is anything I can do” and someone that says, “Tell me what you need done that will make a difference”! I learned that as HARD AS IT IS for me to accept help, I am going to have to.
Now for the update after all those words! We are back in Shreveport. We were able to move Jack to an acute rehab center here in OUR TOWN, last night. Dr. Elizabeth Rice-De,(she wants to read the blog to keep up with Jack) your picture should be next to the word doctor in the dictionary. I almost called you Elizabeth as Amanda and I felt like you were a lifelong friend when we left yesterday. Your sweet smile, your care and compassion sets you apart and makes Baylor hospital look good. I am going to make sure they know it…and I will help you plan a Disney trip anytime. And one day Jack is going to walk back in the hospital or we are going to meet you for dinner for you to see how hard he has worked. I know the decision you made yesterday was probably not what everyone would have done, but I also know that you trusted us and actually listened to us. When you said we were the most pro-active family you had ever seen, I had to laugh. That was the highest compliment you could have paid us. And when you looked at me and said you thought he would totally recover, you gave me hope. When you looked like you were about to cry every time Amanda and I did, I knew how much you cared. I really believe that God chose you for us. And then to get beautiful too, was just an extra…
Back to Jack. He is settled in the rehab center. The doctors we had chosen were waiting on us when we arrived. He does have pneumonia, which we knew when we left Dallas, but feel like its a result of aspirating some fluid when he was on the floor for four hours after the stroke. So that is our biggest prayer request now that the next few chest X-rays will show that it is responding to the meds. The other cause of worry would be that there will be no heart issues while he has to be off two heart medications for 10 days because of the bleed from the stroke. He has movement everywhere. His left hand was the last to come back and he is lifting it up and down over and over…His speech improves everyday…It has not been slurred, it just sounds monotone and like he is hoarse. He has not lost any memory…he can remember things I can’t, and its only been a week. He has cracked some jokes everyday, but I am not going to paint a picture that everything is fine. I want the man that left on a trip on Thursday back and am going to do everything in my power to make sure he gets the best rehab. If he recovers 90%, I will be thankful, but my goal is for him to be totally well. I think he will walk in the next few weeks, maybe sooner…He is just weak and the best part is he wants to start rehab NOW. He said if they wanted him to do three hours a day, he was going to do six. That’s the old coach in him.
He had breakfast with all four little's this morning. He has called me several times to find out how I was feeling (same personality, still taking care of me)…I am not going to take a chance on giving him a cold so until I am better I am going to stay home.
I have no idea what the next few months hold…we have been told that sadness and tears will come when we least expect them, that there will be days we see no progress, days he is depressed and days we are..so as much as I would like to pencil it all in on my calendar, STROKE does not pencil in. As I walked up our sidewalk last night alone last night, I don’t have to tell you what was going through my mind…would we ever walk in together from a movie or a dinner, would he ever pick up the kids from school or leave to run errands. Would I ever be able to call him from a house and tell him we were having light problems and could he come help and how in the world would I get the Christmas lights up that he is so particular about because he knows how happy it makes me, how would I ever open our storage because the lock only works for him, would I ever see him sitting in the recliner reading a book while I blogged, or would he ever drop me off at the door at Target and tell me to call him when I was ready. Would he ever run to Circle K and get ice cream late at night just because I was hungry for some and on and on. I am just going to admit it…I have not put gas in my car or washed it in years….I rarely go to the grocery store…He likes to and I don’t. I have not picked up a prescription or been to the Post Office in a LONG TIME. The dog minds him, she NEVER minds me. You get the picture.
That was a lot of words…Sara, I am going to write you, but I want you to know that your message to me last night was the sweetest words I have heard. I had no idea that I had ever made your day, but you sure made mine better last night. I just happen to read it right after I had all the feelings I just wrote about.
Back to some Theraflu and sleep. To everyone of you that has written, eventually I will get to personally thank you. For the next few weeks I have to be in tree mode…BIG TIME. My holiday blog will have a new look in a day or two and Terri is going to help me keep it up…If any of you can tell me how to transfer a video from my iphone to my blog in very simple steps I would love it…I think I have taken so much medicine that simple things have become complicated. Thanks for walking along on this journey with me. Life can change in a moment.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
As WE Near the End of the Hardest Week of our Lives
Today I am posting this for you or at least I think I am. Maybe I need to document the despair so someday I can look back and see how far we have come.
I am sure that very soon someone is going to read something other than my heart in some post I write. It may be this one. For the first time all week I am NOT at the hospital. Amanda (you are an angel) told me to stay here at the hotel and try to sleep (which so far has been impossible) and she went alone. Partly because I have been sick all week and it’s just gotten worse by the day. Just an upper respiratory crud. I did start an antibiotic yesterday, regardless the fact that I lost my voice and trying to talk has worn me out plus I have coughed up several lungs a day. Every time they come in the room to give Jack a breathing treatment, I want to ask them to give me one too. Add to that Jack must have gotten confused about his days and nights and called Amanda and me at the hotel all night wondering why we were not back yet, so sick and sleep deprived may be the only reason I can hardly move...the other reason is if I do have a bug, I really don't need to pass it to Jack...There are so many decisions to make, so much RED TAPE, it is just overwhelming. Thank you Christi for being an EAR last night to a very croupy desperate friend. I know you must have been thinking take a drink and clear your throat. I wish it was that easy. Amanda just told me the research you did and that helped us make at least one decision.
As much as I know all the right words, all the faith words, all the friends that have asked to help, this lover of control and knowing how, when and where we are going to do things, is having the worst day yet. I get it that its only been 6 days. I hear Roger’s words when he tells me this will not be fast and that I cannot fix it. I hear them but I guess the real problem is I think if I THINK hard enough, (out of the box), if I HOPE hard enough, if I WORK hard enough, that I can change it.
I absolutely feel hopeless today....I can handle surgery, broken bones, critically ill little's but I have found something I cannot handle and that's a stroke..Jack seems to have such a blank stare, though he knows everyone and everything,has been calling friends on the phone, reading the paper, he has taken steps, talks to us about normal things, but that monotone blank look I see scares me to death. I have heard all the “Stuff” about how that it is possible that he will get everything back and that it does not happen fast. For a person that thrives on getting things accomplished and knows absolutely nothing about strokes....those are just WORDS and I wonder if they are just saying them to keep me sane. (If that's it, its failed) Every person that has driven to Dallas to visit us, I have wanted to get in the car and go home with them....If you ask them how I was doing they would tell you fine, because I am fine when they are here at least on the outside. One thing I have learned is that OLD FRIENDS, are the BEST FRIENDS. It totally blows my mind when I think about the people that have walked through the doors of Baylor hospital this week. For none of them was it convenient or probably even easy. I have had a CRASH COURSE in what really matters and what really helps, when someone is going through a life threatening crisis, ESPECIALLY away from home. And this is certainly no guilt trip on anyone, because I have been as guilty as anyone in the way I handled it with others.
Jack is about the same today….for some reason his back is hurting bad which could be anything from being in the bed a long time to maybe an UTI. He is also very congested, so not sure if those two things will delay our move back to Shreveport.
I cannot tell you how much I need to see the little’s and how much Amanda needs to see her boys…Either way we will see them this weekend.
I love everyone of you for all the encouraging words…someday they will encourage me, but for today I have got to get myself together.
And just so that you know I am still OK, MS. FOX NEWS as my friends call me, does know that Brett has Randy Moss to throw to on Monday night…Inside joke to those that love football. But all other news you will have to get yourself for awhile…
I am sure that very soon someone is going to read something other than my heart in some post I write. It may be this one. For the first time all week I am NOT at the hospital. Amanda (you are an angel) told me to stay here at the hotel and try to sleep (which so far has been impossible) and she went alone. Partly because I have been sick all week and it’s just gotten worse by the day. Just an upper respiratory crud. I did start an antibiotic yesterday, regardless the fact that I lost my voice and trying to talk has worn me out plus I have coughed up several lungs a day. Every time they come in the room to give Jack a breathing treatment, I want to ask them to give me one too. Add to that Jack must have gotten confused about his days and nights and called Amanda and me at the hotel all night wondering why we were not back yet, so sick and sleep deprived may be the only reason I can hardly move...the other reason is if I do have a bug, I really don't need to pass it to Jack...There are so many decisions to make, so much RED TAPE, it is just overwhelming. Thank you Christi for being an EAR last night to a very croupy desperate friend. I know you must have been thinking take a drink and clear your throat. I wish it was that easy. Amanda just told me the research you did and that helped us make at least one decision.
As much as I know all the right words, all the faith words, all the friends that have asked to help, this lover of control and knowing how, when and where we are going to do things, is having the worst day yet. I get it that its only been 6 days. I hear Roger’s words when he tells me this will not be fast and that I cannot fix it. I hear them but I guess the real problem is I think if I THINK hard enough, (out of the box), if I HOPE hard enough, if I WORK hard enough, that I can change it.
I absolutely feel hopeless today....I can handle surgery, broken bones, critically ill little's but I have found something I cannot handle and that's a stroke..Jack seems to have such a blank stare, though he knows everyone and everything,has been calling friends on the phone, reading the paper, he has taken steps, talks to us about normal things, but that monotone blank look I see scares me to death. I have heard all the “Stuff” about how that it is possible that he will get everything back and that it does not happen fast. For a person that thrives on getting things accomplished and knows absolutely nothing about strokes....those are just WORDS and I wonder if they are just saying them to keep me sane. (If that's it, its failed) Every person that has driven to Dallas to visit us, I have wanted to get in the car and go home with them....If you ask them how I was doing they would tell you fine, because I am fine when they are here at least on the outside. One thing I have learned is that OLD FRIENDS, are the BEST FRIENDS. It totally blows my mind when I think about the people that have walked through the doors of Baylor hospital this week. For none of them was it convenient or probably even easy. I have had a CRASH COURSE in what really matters and what really helps, when someone is going through a life threatening crisis, ESPECIALLY away from home. And this is certainly no guilt trip on anyone, because I have been as guilty as anyone in the way I handled it with others.
Jack is about the same today….for some reason his back is hurting bad which could be anything from being in the bed a long time to maybe an UTI. He is also very congested, so not sure if those two things will delay our move back to Shreveport.
I cannot tell you how much I need to see the little’s and how much Amanda needs to see her boys…Either way we will see them this weekend.
I love everyone of you for all the encouraging words…someday they will encourage me, but for today I have got to get myself together.
And just so that you know I am still OK, MS. FOX NEWS as my friends call me, does know that Brett has Randy Moss to throw to on Monday night…Inside joke to those that love football. But all other news you will have to get yourself for awhile…
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
TOO TIRED or MAYBE TOO AFRAID
I had the best intentions of posting last night. Set up the computer at the hotel, looked at it and knew the ABSOLUTELY only thing I had energy for was to fall in the bed. Number one, I have totally lost my voice, probably from crying so much and maybe because I already had a tad of the crud when I got here last week. Amanda is leaving to go to Walmart
to get me some meds and get Jack a phone charger. THAT'S RIGHT, he WANTS HIS PHONE and in maybe another day, you can CALL him and NOTHING WOULD MAKE HIM HAPPIER.
We have gotten a much too fast paced course in STROKE. I could have lived all my life without knowing the details. Part of me is AFRAID to post the highs as we have been told this is a roller coaster ride and we could take some giant dips when we least expect it. That’s not negative talk, just stroke talk. Next point, I HATE roller coasters and always have.(remember I like control)
insert..this has nothing to do with anyone but Marcy, but after 5 days I have clean hair. That will be an inside joke to a few. I had done little more that look at my hair for almost 5 days and I will tell you it got bigger and uglier by the day.
Jack had a good day yesterday…got moved to the regular floor late in the day, the tubes out with the exception of the pic line. THAT’S a HUGE PLUS. He is speaking much better, really almost normal.
He has cracked a few jokes, he took 2 or 3 steps, he can feed himself, he read USA today, he got real pajamas pants, he smiled, but according to him this is a conspiracy theory and he did not have a STROKE. To all who know him well, you get this. Saying all that, today may be totally different. I am certainly not saying he is normal. But if you knew how far we have come in 48 hours, when he was merely hours from death you would understand. Thus the scare to post!
Overwhelmed with all the love that has been sent to us, that by itself makes me cry every time. Thank you. Thank you. I pray there will be a day I can return the gift. But please do not stop praying. Your words are our lifeline to the real world.
Jan Allison, never in a million years will you know how much your visit meant yesterday. Laughter is medicine and that's a fact. You are beautiful inside and out and tell your Dad I don’t even mind contributing to your wardrobe.
If you are a tree customer, do not WORRY. We will be there and I am hoping to get an email out later today..(really Terri will)..Terri, you researching all the rehabs, getting all the details, getting the paper work going, and a million other details…the ultimate definition of a friend.
Today I got up knowing that somehow I will see the little's this week. How I need some HUGS.
OK specific prayer request for today because you have ask.
1. stable blood pressure and all other important numbers for Jack and for those working with him to encourage us.
2. a renewed physical energy for me and Amanda.
3. that we get the same doctor we had yesterday. She had a smile that would change the world. (plus Tammy she needs help planning a visit to the Mouse)
4. that breathing for us becomes a bit easier and we can just RELAX for 30 seconds.
Sending my love to everyone of you. Amanda just told me to GET DRESSED.
ROGER, you are my hero. Somehow God knew ever how many years ago when you and Jack met in HS, that there would be this day when we needed you.
Teresa
no time to proof. Terri if you see any horrible typos, correct them.
by the way that last post about followers really was a joke...you know I think the following this is CRAZY and as much as I love you if you want to, that is the least of the reasons I BLOG
to get me some meds and get Jack a phone charger. THAT'S RIGHT, he WANTS HIS PHONE and in maybe another day, you can CALL him and NOTHING WOULD MAKE HIM HAPPIER.
We have gotten a much too fast paced course in STROKE. I could have lived all my life without knowing the details. Part of me is AFRAID to post the highs as we have been told this is a roller coaster ride and we could take some giant dips when we least expect it. That’s not negative talk, just stroke talk. Next point, I HATE roller coasters and always have.(remember I like control)
insert..this has nothing to do with anyone but Marcy, but after 5 days I have clean hair. That will be an inside joke to a few. I had done little more that look at my hair for almost 5 days and I will tell you it got bigger and uglier by the day.
Jack had a good day yesterday…got moved to the regular floor late in the day, the tubes out with the exception of the pic line. THAT’S a HUGE PLUS. He is speaking much better, really almost normal.
He has cracked a few jokes, he took 2 or 3 steps, he can feed himself, he read USA today, he got real pajamas pants, he smiled, but according to him this is a conspiracy theory and he did not have a STROKE. To all who know him well, you get this. Saying all that, today may be totally different. I am certainly not saying he is normal. But if you knew how far we have come in 48 hours, when he was merely hours from death you would understand. Thus the scare to post!
Overwhelmed with all the love that has been sent to us, that by itself makes me cry every time. Thank you. Thank you. I pray there will be a day I can return the gift. But please do not stop praying. Your words are our lifeline to the real world.
Jan Allison, never in a million years will you know how much your visit meant yesterday. Laughter is medicine and that's a fact. You are beautiful inside and out and tell your Dad I don’t even mind contributing to your wardrobe.
If you are a tree customer, do not WORRY. We will be there and I am hoping to get an email out later today..(really Terri will)..Terri, you researching all the rehabs, getting all the details, getting the paper work going, and a million other details…the ultimate definition of a friend.
Today I got up knowing that somehow I will see the little's this week. How I need some HUGS.
OK specific prayer request for today because you have ask.
1. stable blood pressure and all other important numbers for Jack and for those working with him to encourage us.
2. a renewed physical energy for me and Amanda.
3. that we get the same doctor we had yesterday. She had a smile that would change the world. (plus Tammy she needs help planning a visit to the Mouse)
4. that breathing for us becomes a bit easier and we can just RELAX for 30 seconds.
Sending my love to everyone of you. Amanda just told me to GET DRESSED.
ROGER, you are my hero. Somehow God knew ever how many years ago when you and Jack met in HS, that there would be this day when we needed you.
Teresa
no time to proof. Terri if you see any horrible typos, correct them.
by the way that last post about followers really was a joke...you know I think the following this is CRAZY and as much as I love you if you want to, that is the least of the reasons I BLOG
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
WARNING....YOU MAY NOT LIKE ME AS MUCH AFTER THIS POST
For the next few weeks and months you may want to skip my blog. I will post an update on Jack at the beginning and then you may want to just quit. It will not be all cute pictures and stories of the little's, it will be hard and raw gut feelings because right now that's all I can write. I will certainly understand if you don't want to read them. The good news is after the test today the bleed has stopped or at least was the same as yesterday. Jack was moved back to the stroke floor and everything, at least for now seems to be as good as you can be three days after suffering a major stroke and according to Roger probably being only a few hours from death had someone not found him. Roger knows much more about the first hours as he got to the hospital much quicker than we did. But I need to find some fight and get on board and stop crying....(I know that because I have spent the last 2 hours on the phone with Roger getting some counsel on why I have fallen apart. He is the doctor friend I told you about yesterday that has walked with us this week, treated us for any ailment we had for 25 years but also a friend that I can say anything to. BUT, he would and does say anything to me. It’s REAL with us and the difference is he is not only medical brilliant, but he knows me. And I am sure before the week ends he will have to say some hard things to me.
It has not been a good day for me or Amanda. Actually it has been the hardest day for me, even though we had more wonderful friends drive in to see us…Laura Wade…you blew our mind with the gift bag…I have owned a gift basket business for 20 years and have never put together anything like what you brought us. Seeing you and Bill today was the high point of our day…You are as beautiful as ever and Bill you have not aged a day….kind of made me sick…Danny and Debbie…taking time out of your day was a gift to us. Thank you. If any of you called today, I am so sorry I did not answer. We were bombarded with some facts that I just could not deal with and it was like someone opened a faucet and I could not stop crying…..Greg and Micah went home late today. They needed to and Jack was stable enough for them to go work a couple of days, check on the little's, but their goodbyes were gut wrenching . These two men love Jack so much and are not shy about telling him and showing him. So tonight it is just me and Amanda and we have different rooms. We needed to grieve alone. All we had to do today was look at each other and the water works started again. So I am assuming she has been asleep for hours and I am on my normal schedule blogging. Remember I said this is going to be RAW WRITING. I am scared to death of a thousand things. The “What if’s” and “How will we?” are my constant companions and at one point today I wanted to run out of the room and just keep running. For a control person to have absolutely NO CONTROL, may require professional help. They gave me a stack of literature on dealing with a stroke and I came to the hotel, took it out of my purse and threw it in the trash. They needed to talk to me about an inpatient acute REHAB CENTER in SHREVEPORT and I told them we do not do REHAB, we do DISNEY. (Just need to throw this in because some of my tree people are my FB friends…Do not worry about your tree…I will be there just like normal and make your home magical.) At this point I don’t have every detail worked out, but I will.
Tonight there were 342 emails…Talk about feeling loved. Knowing how much your MAN is loved and being prayed for is more than I can ask for. Eventually I will answer those emails, phone messages and texts, but for right now, the blog and FB is all I have the energy to do. Please know that I appreciate them…Two of JACK’S old football players called today and again it reminded me what an impact he had on kids he coached. Mike McClendon, your text today made us laugh and then I cried again. Amanda read it to Jack and he even had a slight smile. I wish I could hug you and we could solve the worlds problems.
The fact is our lives are changed forever. That means a lot of different things and only time will tell exactly how. So I will be honest and tell you I did not do good today…have never felt weaker, and am so disappointed in ME for not being better at this.
I would love to say its because its almost tree season and there are just lots of things to get done. BUT the real reason is that Jack has treated me like a Queen for all our married years. My close friends are all reading this and shaking their heads YES, and some will even be saying I never appreciated it enough. My feelings (which really should be on the back burner now) are that I am so scared that I will not be able to serve him the same way. And that’s just the UGLY facts. I know that because Roger just told me that and as bad as that stings, he is (as always) RIGHT. SO if you want to UNFOLLOW me now,(that’s blog language) just remember I always told you that I had no idea where we were going and now that I do, I am pretty sure you do NOT want to FOLLOW. You still will not be wasting prayers on Jack as he is not out of the woods, but you can also pray that I can get my stuff together. Micah and Greg leaving left me even more scared. One of them had been next to me and Amanda for 3 days. So you have seen the UGLY me, but I need to keep it real. One of the sweetest things all day….Amanda knew I was crying when she left to go to her room…she left and a minute later walked back in and hugged me and said “Mom, we will not let you and Dad take one step without us. This is not Dad’s battle, this is our families battle and we will all do life together.”! If you are not so depressed after this post, that you will never come back, tomorrow night I promise some of the sweetest pictures Micah and Dana emailed me of the little's.
Its almost 3 now so I know I am in trouble….Amanda told me to go to bed at 10
I love everyone of you that have contacted me and at some point I will call or text. Sheila, if you are reading this I need to talk to you tomorrow…I know I will not make it home for Friday, so relook at your schedule. I have never needed you more. And Roger I know you are still up as you just text me...if you make it to the end of this, thank you for being BRUTALLY honest with me tonight. Ambien is calling my name.
With love,
Teresa
(Linda, if you are reading this, please do not check it for proper grammar or punctuation.)
It has not been a good day for me or Amanda. Actually it has been the hardest day for me, even though we had more wonderful friends drive in to see us…Laura Wade…you blew our mind with the gift bag…I have owned a gift basket business for 20 years and have never put together anything like what you brought us. Seeing you and Bill today was the high point of our day…You are as beautiful as ever and Bill you have not aged a day….kind of made me sick…Danny and Debbie…taking time out of your day was a gift to us. Thank you. If any of you called today, I am so sorry I did not answer. We were bombarded with some facts that I just could not deal with and it was like someone opened a faucet and I could not stop crying…..Greg and Micah went home late today. They needed to and Jack was stable enough for them to go work a couple of days, check on the little's, but their goodbyes were gut wrenching . These two men love Jack so much and are not shy about telling him and showing him. So tonight it is just me and Amanda and we have different rooms. We needed to grieve alone. All we had to do today was look at each other and the water works started again. So I am assuming she has been asleep for hours and I am on my normal schedule blogging. Remember I said this is going to be RAW WRITING. I am scared to death of a thousand things. The “What if’s” and “How will we?” are my constant companions and at one point today I wanted to run out of the room and just keep running. For a control person to have absolutely NO CONTROL, may require professional help. They gave me a stack of literature on dealing with a stroke and I came to the hotel, took it out of my purse and threw it in the trash. They needed to talk to me about an inpatient acute REHAB CENTER in SHREVEPORT and I told them we do not do REHAB, we do DISNEY. (Just need to throw this in because some of my tree people are my FB friends…Do not worry about your tree…I will be there just like normal and make your home magical.) At this point I don’t have every detail worked out, but I will.
Tonight there were 342 emails…Talk about feeling loved. Knowing how much your MAN is loved and being prayed for is more than I can ask for. Eventually I will answer those emails, phone messages and texts, but for right now, the blog and FB is all I have the energy to do. Please know that I appreciate them…Two of JACK’S old football players called today and again it reminded me what an impact he had on kids he coached. Mike McClendon, your text today made us laugh and then I cried again. Amanda read it to Jack and he even had a slight smile. I wish I could hug you and we could solve the worlds problems.
The fact is our lives are changed forever. That means a lot of different things and only time will tell exactly how. So I will be honest and tell you I did not do good today…have never felt weaker, and am so disappointed in ME for not being better at this.
I would love to say its because its almost tree season and there are just lots of things to get done. BUT the real reason is that Jack has treated me like a Queen for all our married years. My close friends are all reading this and shaking their heads YES, and some will even be saying I never appreciated it enough. My feelings (which really should be on the back burner now) are that I am so scared that I will not be able to serve him the same way. And that’s just the UGLY facts. I know that because Roger just told me that and as bad as that stings, he is (as always) RIGHT. SO if you want to UNFOLLOW me now,(that’s blog language) just remember I always told you that I had no idea where we were going and now that I do, I am pretty sure you do NOT want to FOLLOW. You still will not be wasting prayers on Jack as he is not out of the woods, but you can also pray that I can get my stuff together. Micah and Greg leaving left me even more scared. One of them had been next to me and Amanda for 3 days. So you have seen the UGLY me, but I need to keep it real. One of the sweetest things all day….Amanda knew I was crying when she left to go to her room…she left and a minute later walked back in and hugged me and said “Mom, we will not let you and Dad take one step without us. This is not Dad’s battle, this is our families battle and we will all do life together.”! If you are not so depressed after this post, that you will never come back, tomorrow night I promise some of the sweetest pictures Micah and Dana emailed me of the little's.
Its almost 3 now so I know I am in trouble….Amanda told me to go to bed at 10
I love everyone of you that have contacted me and at some point I will call or text. Sheila, if you are reading this I need to talk to you tomorrow…I know I will not make it home for Friday, so relook at your schedule. I have never needed you more. And Roger I know you are still up as you just text me...if you make it to the end of this, thank you for being BRUTALLY honest with me tonight. Ambien is calling my name.
With love,
Teresa
(Linda, if you are reading this, please do not check it for proper grammar or punctuation.)
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Jack
Monday, October 4, 2010
I AM NOT SURE WHERE TO START
Not even sure where to start and forgive the typos tonight. I have had one hour sleep in about the last 37 hours, but was not going to lay down tonight until I wrote a post. It is a rare thing for my adult son and I to share a hotel room and Amanda and Micah next door . But that’s it tonight. Just us. The four of us have been a team for the past 48 hours. You would be the three I would pick every time. The day did not start good. We got a call very early that Jack had some setbacks during the night and they were moving him to the most serious part of the ICU, then arriving there and not seeing him for a couple of hours while they did yet another cat scan. Then there was almost an altercation when a bit of a smart A** neurologist, a young female doctor told me and this is a direct quote “You ask too many questions”! I could see all three kids out of the corner of my eye and knew exactly what they were thinking …"LADY, I would be very careful,my Mom will have you written up by the head of Baylor Medical Center before you can get out of this room”! Really all I did was stand up and say, “I will ask as many questions as I have and if you cannot answer them find someone that can.” She was not in doubt about what I meant. That was not the thing to say to a very tired lady going on no sleep and scared to death that the man she had been married to for 37 years was about to die. I wish we were in Shreveport, we are NOT. We have not seen the same doctor twice since we arrived. Each one enters the room saying, Get me up to speed on what has happened”! That would be computers, reports, previous doctors…That's a story for another day. I need them to give me information and not me give it to them. When I was finally able to get to my email, which I had cleaned out the day before all this happened, I had 212 emails, more texts and messages on my phone than I can count…Tonight there is another 187 emails. Tonight I am too emotional to even tell you what they have meant. Yesterday we were strong, today Amanda and I both have cried most of the day…That really hard ugly cry, Greg and Micah have both had their moments, they are scared, but they have tried to take care of us. INSERT..Greg is now snoring. To everyone of you I can only say thanks from the bottom of our heart…the notes from his football players from past days would make Amanda and I bawl our eyes out. We both look like we have been run over and then run over again. There would be times the doctors were so grim, then a text would come at just the right moment. EVERY TEXT message or email encouraged us. I know many of you have called…to be honest we just could not talk without crying so we turned our phones off. The MRI did show a bleed, we pray that the one tomorrow shows it has stopped. Because of the bleed, that means no aspirin or blood thinners and for someone with a heart issue that’s not your first choice. Jack’s heart has had some abnormal things going on…He has lost 34 pounds of fluid in 24 hours…pumping the lasix in. I am not going into all the medical stuff because it could all be different tomorrow and its complicated.
I am going to do something I probably should not tonight because I am going to leave someone out.. If I leave you out I will wake up in the middle of the night and remember…but two couples that are some of our oldest friends from our coaching days arrived about lunch.. Each drove a long way..Linda and James, Tommie and Wayne, you were the best medicine Jack has received. We could see a total difference after you were here. I know it was not easy for you to see him right now. I saw it in your faces and in the tears in your eyes. Forever we will love you for making the trip today. Debbie thanks for the key and the offer of your home. Your closeness to the hospital may be something I take you up on.
Terri, you have done more than we could ever repay…bringing us another car today, taking care of so many little things for us, picking up some meds for me and driving Greg’s car, the car dealers car that has needed an inspection sticker for a year and he works where he could get one. I am so glad that you are here now.
Jean, thank you for helping me get in touch with Larry…that was a weird request and you jumped right on it. And if you see him before me tell him thanks. Sara you have been such a help taking care of Bella
Mike McClendon, I could not talk to you on the phone without totally falling apart. Amanda and I cried and cried when you said you would hop on a plane from California if we needed you. I know how much you love Coach and don’t ever doubt for one second how much he loves you. Barb, thank you for calling from Chicago. I might not know the power of prayer without your example. Johnny thank you for encouraging Greg…He has tried to be so strong and there has never been a boy that loved his Dad anymore than Greg loves Jack. I have seen his lip tremble more than a few times in the last 2 days, felt his arm around my shoulder telling me everything was going to be OK, when I knew he was not sure. Micah, your love for POP has been so evident and your hugs never more needed…and the way you love on my girl makes me love you more. You were due that break down in the middle of the day. We have all had to let it go and just cry. Dana, thanks for taking care of ALL the little's and keeping their minds off POP. Pam, thank you for calling at just the right time and praying with me. We had just gotten some scary news and were all trying to process it. Jonathan thanks for coming by. It was so good to see you. Elizabeth, I just saw where you started the prayer page. I love you. Amanda, thank you for every time you got down close to DAD and begged him to FIGHT. He heard you. There is no doubt that prayer got us through today and we even saw HOPE late this afternoon. And it was your prayers because I have been too overwhelmed to even pray. Jack moved his left hand for the first time late today. He can move all four extremities and his speech is much better. We are not out of the woods. The bleed is still a huge concern..and I am a planner and for the first time in a long time and maybe ever, I can make no plans past tomorrow. Period. I have no clue what the next few weeks and months hold.
Roger, you will never read this but we could not have made the past two days without you. Your knowledge and lay term explanations have been invaluable and your humor has literally kept us sane. You are a ONE and ONLY, nobody else like you and man are we glad to have called you friend for more years than I want to type. Happy Birthday…knowing you are a phone call away helps us get some sleep. I know I have forgotten someone…My brain is fried.
We understand now how close we came to losing Jack on Saturday morning. That the flight crew did not really think he would make it, that a receptionist at the hotel found him and began to pray. I cannot even imagine what it was like those 4 hours he was laying in the floor waiting for help.
I am going to sleep for a few hours feeling more encouraged than last night. We had the kindest nurse today and she told me she had seen people in MUCH worse shape than Jack make full recoveries. I needed to hear that.
I will try to post again tomorrow night…and praying that it will be good news.
with gratitude to God,
Teresa
I am going to do something I probably should not tonight because I am going to leave someone out.. If I leave you out I will wake up in the middle of the night and remember…but two couples that are some of our oldest friends from our coaching days arrived about lunch.. Each drove a long way..Linda and James, Tommie and Wayne, you were the best medicine Jack has received. We could see a total difference after you were here. I know it was not easy for you to see him right now. I saw it in your faces and in the tears in your eyes. Forever we will love you for making the trip today. Debbie thanks for the key and the offer of your home. Your closeness to the hospital may be something I take you up on.
Terri, you have done more than we could ever repay…bringing us another car today, taking care of so many little things for us, picking up some meds for me and driving Greg’s car, the car dealers car that has needed an inspection sticker for a year and he works where he could get one. I am so glad that you are here now.
Jean, thank you for helping me get in touch with Larry…that was a weird request and you jumped right on it. And if you see him before me tell him thanks. Sara you have been such a help taking care of Bella
Mike McClendon, I could not talk to you on the phone without totally falling apart. Amanda and I cried and cried when you said you would hop on a plane from California if we needed you. I know how much you love Coach and don’t ever doubt for one second how much he loves you. Barb, thank you for calling from Chicago. I might not know the power of prayer without your example. Johnny thank you for encouraging Greg…He has tried to be so strong and there has never been a boy that loved his Dad anymore than Greg loves Jack. I have seen his lip tremble more than a few times in the last 2 days, felt his arm around my shoulder telling me everything was going to be OK, when I knew he was not sure. Micah, your love for POP has been so evident and your hugs never more needed…and the way you love on my girl makes me love you more. You were due that break down in the middle of the day. We have all had to let it go and just cry. Dana, thanks for taking care of ALL the little's and keeping their minds off POP. Pam, thank you for calling at just the right time and praying with me. We had just gotten some scary news and were all trying to process it. Jonathan thanks for coming by. It was so good to see you. Elizabeth, I just saw where you started the prayer page. I love you. Amanda, thank you for every time you got down close to DAD and begged him to FIGHT. He heard you. There is no doubt that prayer got us through today and we even saw HOPE late this afternoon. And it was your prayers because I have been too overwhelmed to even pray. Jack moved his left hand for the first time late today. He can move all four extremities and his speech is much better. We are not out of the woods. The bleed is still a huge concern..and I am a planner and for the first time in a long time and maybe ever, I can make no plans past tomorrow. Period. I have no clue what the next few weeks and months hold.
Roger, you will never read this but we could not have made the past two days without you. Your knowledge and lay term explanations have been invaluable and your humor has literally kept us sane. You are a ONE and ONLY, nobody else like you and man are we glad to have called you friend for more years than I want to type. Happy Birthday…knowing you are a phone call away helps us get some sleep. I know I have forgotten someone…My brain is fried.
We understand now how close we came to losing Jack on Saturday morning. That the flight crew did not really think he would make it, that a receptionist at the hotel found him and began to pray. I cannot even imagine what it was like those 4 hours he was laying in the floor waiting for help.
I am going to sleep for a few hours feeling more encouraged than last night. We had the kindest nurse today and she told me she had seen people in MUCH worse shape than Jack make full recoveries. I needed to hear that.
I will try to post again tomorrow night…and praying that it will be good news.
with gratitude to God,
Teresa
Sunday, October 3, 2010
FROM TERESA
Its almost 3 Am and I am not sure
I can put three sentences together, but will try. Terri has been so wonderful to post for me today…She was at our house in a matter of minutes of me getting the call and was able to go and help my Amanda get ready….and watch baby Jack.
the manager of the Hampton Inn where they found Jack called me before we left Shreveport to tell me we had as many rooms as we needed as long as we were in Dallas as their guest. There are still kind people in the world. We are at the hotel for a few hours, though I am afraid sleep may not come. we have no idea how long Jack had been on the floor trying to get help when they found him after having to bust the door in. It has been a nightmare. We are so fortunate to have a very close friend that is a doctor…actually Jacks roommate from college and he was here several hours before us and has helped make every decision plus he speaks to us in lay terms and consults with the doctors. We may be going back to the hospital as his heart rate has been dropping. Without going into a million details,he had a stoke, he is in congestive heart failure and his kidney functions are not good. Now they just called and his heart rate is dropping… He is in ICU, in the stroke pod….whatever that is. He has been in tremendous pain and this is a man that never complains about anything. He had a horrible procedure with no sedation and may never forget the trauma of that..and then the central line came out and he lost lots of blood quickly…
He does know us and we are all here…Dana stayed home with the babies. Parker does not know so should you run into him, say nothing. Tomorrow there is a possibility of surgery as his ceratoid (sp) artery has some blockage. There will be a consult with a vascular surgeon. So at this point please pray that his breathing stabilizes and that he makes it through the night….the next 24 hours are critical…I cannot thank you enough for all your prayers, texts, calls. We have very limited cell coverage in the hospital…if you need to call into his room, the number is T325
214 818 8825
nurses station 214 820 3909
We are all here…..Micah flew in from a business trip in San Antonio and Greg and Amanda are with me so we are ok. Will write more when I can. Please pray the he lives, as 4 little boys really need this man……
With hearts full of gratitude, thanks
for your prayers,
Teresa
I can put three sentences together, but will try. Terri has been so wonderful to post for me today…She was at our house in a matter of minutes of me getting the call and was able to go and help my Amanda get ready….and watch baby Jack.
the manager of the Hampton Inn where they found Jack called me before we left Shreveport to tell me we had as many rooms as we needed as long as we were in Dallas as their guest. There are still kind people in the world. We are at the hotel for a few hours, though I am afraid sleep may not come. we have no idea how long Jack had been on the floor trying to get help when they found him after having to bust the door in. It has been a nightmare. We are so fortunate to have a very close friend that is a doctor…actually Jacks roommate from college and he was here several hours before us and has helped make every decision plus he speaks to us in lay terms and consults with the doctors. We may be going back to the hospital as his heart rate has been dropping. Without going into a million details,he had a stoke, he is in congestive heart failure and his kidney functions are not good. Now they just called and his heart rate is dropping… He is in ICU, in the stroke pod….whatever that is. He has been in tremendous pain and this is a man that never complains about anything. He had a horrible procedure with no sedation and may never forget the trauma of that..and then the central line came out and he lost lots of blood quickly…
He does know us and we are all here…Dana stayed home with the babies. Parker does not know so should you run into him, say nothing. Tomorrow there is a possibility of surgery as his ceratoid (sp) artery has some blockage. There will be a consult with a vascular surgeon. So at this point please pray that his breathing stabilizes and that he makes it through the night….the next 24 hours are critical…I cannot thank you enough for all your prayers, texts, calls. We have very limited cell coverage in the hospital…if you need to call into his room, the number is T325
214 818 8825
nurses station 214 820 3909
We are all here…..Micah flew in from a business trip in San Antonio and Greg and Amanda are with me so we are ok. Will write more when I can. Please pray the he lives, as 4 little boys really need this man……
With hearts full of gratitude, thanks
for your prayers,
Teresa
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