I have little to say except how tired I was and who wants to hear a whiner. We have been adjusting to a new normal which I think is only temporary, but still new for right now. In all the past tree seasons, Jack has run all the errands, loaded and unloaded tree stuff everyday, fixed any problems. You name it, he did it. I only did trees…18 hours a day. So you can add all the other stuff on and you see that my days have been longer. That’s just the physical side of it. The mental and emotional is a totally different thing. Jack has experienced some weeks of depression…Part of that comes from losing his Dad last month. Part of it comes from the stroke.
He has always been the servant so having to be served has made him feel useless. There is the guilt that I am not home much, that Amanda is taking Jack to all his appointments, that Micah is doing everything and then some…and some things that I did not even know needed doing. Stepping up to the plate has taken a whole new meaning. I have missed Dana and Micah's birthday, I failed to send my annual Thanksgiving cards, I have not been able to snuggle with the little's NEAR enough. I have 100 plus emails to answer and probably at least that many thank you notes to write. Amanda is doing most of my Christmas shopping, taking her Dad to every appointment, physical therapy, bringing him lunch everyday, and a million other things. She and Micah have taken servant seriously. One funny story…Micah and Amanda took Jack to the sleep clinic to do the test for sleep apnea this week. He had to be there at 8PM and I was not home yet. When they left him, Micah said, “Pop call me when you are ready to come home”! He did…at 3 AM…he was finished and ready to leave, so off Micah goes across town and by 4 AM they are at IHOP. Stars in your crown are certain.
I did have one night this week that Jack and Parker spent the night and that few hours of hugs and kisses energized me more than any five hour energy or any sleep.I was so tired that I just held Jack and cried. ..(the hugs and kisses were from Jack) Parker would not want anyone to think he hugged and kissed on me all night. …but Jack happened to be in a loving mood (at almost 3 those times are becoming fewer).
Jack is improving daily and getting his strength back. We are eight weeks out from his stroke and in some ways, the past eight weeks have been surreal. For 19 years I feared another heart attack…but never knew anything about strokes. Part of me is still angry…Jack had seen his doctor on the Wed before the stroke, the swelling had been something I was concerned about for months, something we had seen this doctor about since spring. We liked our cardiologist and we trusted him. I know now that like is not enough. Every person has to be their own advocate. We now know that we were not getting good advice or good care and that's been confirmed by at least five doctors. So bottom line, I feel like if I had been more persistent and more vigilant, this stroke could have been prevented. But that’s nothing I get a redo on.
Yesterday was Jack’s first day of out patient rehab, so he is extremely tired today and I am just on the verge of getting sick again, so we are missing Terri’s (my head elf) extravagant Thanksgiving meal she so graciously invites us to. Maybe she will post pictures…Martha Stewart has nothing on her. Our kids eat at their in-laws on Thanksgiving, so we are eating potato soup from Sam's. Now you can laugh..We like it. And Amanda is on her way with a plate…of TURKEY food.
I had a long to do list today and not one thing got marked off. Exhaustion has taken over and I have to get back to work tomorrow.
I am so thankful for all the sweet notes and emails from my blog friends. I promise to catch up on all your blogs. It will still be a few weeks, but I am looking forward to some days of JUST blog reading.
Friendship has been redefined to me. For every card and flower you sent, every meal you have cooked(and there have been so many) every hug you gave, every phone call and visit you made, every mile you traveled to see Jack, for every prayer you prayed, to Charlie and Greg and Austin (you know what you did that was important to no one but me) I will be forever grateful. In the past two months, there have been days that encouraging words from friends have been all that has kept me sane. . Many of those days were days I felt so NOT UP for this journey. To all my elves, thanks for hanging with me late into the night and sometimes into the early morning. Nothing feels better than seeing the finished product, picking up my purse and walking out…another house down.
Some day I will get a personal note to each of you. I have always known how much Jack was loved. The past two months have shown me I had no idea. He is so ready to be back to normal. It makes me so sad to see the things he struggles to do, but I see the old coach in him and know it is just a matter of time before he masters it. So this Thanksgiving evening, I am not only thankful, but I thank you.
More pictures and a giveaway on my holiday blog tonight or tomorrow…There may not be many words but lots of pictures…If you have any questions about any trees, feel free to email me…firstname.lastname@example.org.
Tell someone about the Holiday Blog and I will add your name five extra times to the drawing. I know a lot of my regular readers have given up on me. I have had so few giveaways this year, since my main shipper is not available…but I am going to make up for it on the upcoming post..
and just to make you laugh
Not a great picture but the story behind the picture…When Amanda went into Jack’s room he had emptied all his drawers…His words…”Mom I was wooking for Woody”!