IT is the middle of the night on December 22, my birthday. Not that you need to know it is my birthday, but that it is 3 days before Christmas. Three days before the day I work for all year. One days before the kids get here.
I have decked the halls of homes all over town and even other towns, mine is decked....thanks to my ELF, Terri.
Gifts are bought but NOT ONE THING IS WRAPPED!
Not one Christmas gift delivered, not one Christmas card sent out. A neatly typed to do list is right before me and I cannot find the energy to do one thing.
All I want to do is lay on the couch and cry. I want to forget, I want to make a difference, I want to call a family, I want to drive to Conn. and leave flowers. I want to do anything but celebrate a holiday.
After tree season, Jack and I took a week trip..We spent the first 4 days in Dallas at his company Christmas party and seminar. I was sick as in coughing up a lung every hour. I picked up some cousin to the flu and it has not let go. So I just slept in the hotel and did little else...and then early that fateful morning my ipad went off with a CNN update. SCHOOL SHOOTING
I even went back to sleep as I thought maybe one or two kids were shot, which has become a monthly news update. When I did turn on the TV, what I saw was not even believable.
I cried until I was even sicker. We managed to make it through the convention and Amanda and Micah had ask us to come to Houston and stay with Jack and Parker while they went on a little trip.
A Boy that needed to see his POP
Diversion, oh how I needed it. So for three days I watched as little TV as possible. I just loved on the kids, had a spa day (thank you Amanda) !!
I knew it was just a matter of time until I returned to reality. Every song I heard made me cry, every poem, every parent interview, every news report.... Christmas please go away. Maybe no one but me feels like this.
At the same time, little Crew is so sick. What a battle that little man has fought this year and still fighting. His Mom is so weary. She has three other little ones too. Sweet Ashley is going through bad times.
We finally got home late last night and I realized all I had NOT done....When I saw the stack of Christmas cards..I was reminded mine were just in my head and not in an envelope.
There are sacks and sacks and unopened online bought gifts unopened and certainly not wrapped with pretty bows.
I had one last tree and wreath to make for a client this morning. I got up and got that done and went back to bed, as if someone would magically appear and get everything else done... No one appeared and its all still staring at me.
It almost seems irreverent to celebrate anything right now.
We picked up out sweet HAPPY today... a good friend had kept her while we were gone.
So my MERRY CHRISTMAS to you is not very MERRY....I have no idea what the answers are. I just know babies should be safe in school. I have a LOOK FORWARD TO, as the boys are staying with us for a week after Christmas while A and M got to see LSU in a BOWL game. Then I began taking trees down...and praying that 2013 is a year I can get myself together. I want to get back to blogging regularly. I want to read and comment on your blogs...
Thank you to each one of you who read my blog for hanging with me.