IT is the middle of the night on December 22, my birthday. Not that you need to know it is my birthday, but that it is 3 days before Christmas. Three days before the day I work for all year. One days before the kids get here.
I have decked the halls of homes all over town and even other towns, mine is decked....thanks to my ELF, Terri.
Gifts are bought but NOT ONE THING IS WRAPPED!
Not one Christmas gift delivered, not one Christmas card sent out. A neatly typed to do list is right before me and I cannot find the energy to do one thing.
All I want to do is lay on the couch and cry. I want to forget, I want to make a difference, I want to call a family, I want to drive to Conn. and leave flowers. I want to do anything but celebrate a holiday.
After tree season, Jack and I took a week trip..We spent the first 4 days in Dallas at his company Christmas party and seminar. I was sick as in coughing up a lung every hour. I picked up some cousin to the flu and it has not let go. So I just slept in the hotel and did little else...and then early that fateful morning my ipad went off with a CNN update. SCHOOL SHOOTING
I even went back to sleep as I thought maybe one or two kids were shot, which has become a monthly news update. When I did turn on the TV, what I saw was not even believable.
I cried until I was even sicker. We managed to make it through the convention and Amanda and Micah had ask us to come to Houston and stay with Jack and Parker while they went on a little trip.
A Boy that needed to see his POP
Diversion, oh how I needed it. So for three days I watched as little TV as possible. I just loved on the kids, had a spa day (thank you Amanda) !!
I knew it was just a matter of time until I returned to reality. Every song I heard made me cry, every poem, every parent interview, every news report.... Christmas please go away. Maybe no one but me feels like this.
At the same time, little Crew is so sick. What a battle that little man has fought this year and still fighting. His Mom is so weary. She has three other little ones too. Sweet Ashley is going through bad times.
We finally got home late last night and I realized all I had NOT done....When I saw the stack of Christmas cards..I was reminded mine were just in my head and not in an envelope.
There are sacks and sacks and unopened online bought gifts unopened and certainly not wrapped with pretty bows.
I had one last tree and wreath to make for a client this morning. I got up and got that done and went back to bed, as if someone would magically appear and get everything else done... No one appeared and its all still staring at me.
It almost seems irreverent to celebrate anything right now.
We picked up out sweet HAPPY today... a good friend had kept her while we were gone.
So my MERRY CHRISTMAS to you is not very MERRY....I have no idea what the answers are. I just know babies should be safe in school. I have a LOOK FORWARD TO, as the boys are staying with us for a week after Christmas while A and M got to see LSU in a BOWL game. Then I began taking trees down...and praying that 2013 is a year I can get myself together. I want to get back to blogging regularly. I want to read and comment on your blogs...
Thank you to each one of you who read my blog for hanging with me.
With love,
Teresa
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14 comments:
Love and hugs to you dear Teresa.
May you feel God's love, peace and strength surrounding and flowing through you at this time.
FlowerLady Lorraine
First of all, happy Birthday! I know it doesn't FEEL very happy this year, but maybe you can find a glimmer of happiness with your family. We still have HOPE in a fallen world because of Jesus.
Secondly, I have tried to make sense of this tragedy....and I can't. I can't get it off my mind either, so I have done random acts of kindness so we can all be reminded of how much good there still is in our lives. I've pd for the cars behind me in the drive thru lines and left coupons in the grocery store, etc....all with little notes that we are blessed more than we know. Do it. It will make your heart SWELL with love and thankfulness this Christmas!!!
Here's to a great 2013.....now, go be a blessing!!!
When I noticed that it was your birthday on Facebook, I clicked the link to your blog. I realized I hadn't read it in some time. So sorry to read that you're going through a hard time. However, I do understand. It's so hard to wrap your head around all that's going on in the world. I think we have all been overwhelmed by how anyone could possibly hurt innocent children and teachers like that.
I can't explain it all but I do know the answer and ...His name is Jesus. That's what the world needs for sure.
I had written a post several days after the shootings. I had a hard time putting into words what I felt and thought. But I did. And then the next day I came to our school and we were in lockdown. It was very scary and we didn't know what was happening. All we knew is that ...it wasn't a drill. So I hid in the corner of a darkened classroom with little children until we were told the danger was over. I wrote about it on Heart Choices. http://www.heartchoices.com/2012/12/lockdown-at-our-school-today.html
Anyway, hang in there and remember that our God is sovereign and in control. And He loves you ...
Sending you love and hugs,
Debbie
Oh dear friend, Happy Birthday to you and a ginormous Ganky sized hug coming your way! All we can do is pray for the victims and for our Country that the senseless killings stop! I don't know what the answer is but I pray God will help us all out of this tragic world we live in! I decided to carry on with my Christmas while praying for all of them! Got lots of sweetness around me to be thankful for and celebrate with! Love to you dear friend, feel better... NOW... feel better:) HUGS!
Aww sending hugs your way. I know it is hard, but as a teacher, I had to walk back into a classroom this week and make it magical for all of my sweet second graders. I have decided I have to live each day to the fullest and make everything magical for my niece and nephew. If anything were to happen to any of us, I want happy memories and for them to know that I loved them more than anything. I am sure all those parents would encourage everyone to treat each day as it is your last. Merry Christmas and enjoy every second with your little ones.
Teresa, I think a lot of people are having a hard time getting in a celebratory mood this year after what happened in Conn. Maybe we are all remembering our priorities are friends and family. Don't stress over what you can't do. It's ok to change things up this year and simplify your Christmas to enjoy your loved ones. I'm so happy for you that your kids will be home for Christmas! Merry Christmas!
You could replace your name with mine quite easily here. I am having all the same feelings and lack of things ready for the holiday. Not sure what the answer is, but I know I am holding my babies at school and at home a little closer and loving them just a little bit more (if that is even possible). I love them all so much. I think what needs to get done will get done and what doesn't wasn't that important to start with. We put far to much pressure on ourselves. Enjoy your special day. Happy Birthday my friend! xo
I am thrilled the boys are coming.
Hold them tight and enjoy each precious moment. xoxo
My heart has been so heavy. I myself want to get on a plane and deliver my handkerchiefs in person! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
((((HUGS))))
Happy birthday and have a Merry Christmas. My birthday is the 27th of December...not a great time for a b-day. Read your post with the same feelings on the loss of these children's lives. I stopped watching the news to sad. Grandkids is the best medicine for a sad time like this. Mine have been getting extra hugs lately whether they want them or not. LOL Humble Abode
Happy Birthday to you. Wishing you had felt better...the flu is bad enough but this tragic, senseless crime involving little helpless children makes me sick! They do not have their children tonight to tuck in, or watch the joy as they open Christmas gifts, or wear their new pretty outfits to church on Christmas, etc....I understand this sorrow/sadness you are feeling. I really almost feel so guilty to open presents not really even needed.praying that they can feel the prayers we are sending their way! So glad you will spend time after holidays with grand kids. Still praying for Crew...
Your post made me cry, Teresa. It has been the post that made me allow myself to feel, really feel, the sadness that has been looming around me. I have been way busier than I should be, dealing with health issues still but I see now that I've buried myself so I wouldn't have to "think" about the sad stuff going on. I can't even wrap my head around it all. But, I have had some wonderful blessings to look forward to. I was the program coordinator for the Angel Tree ministry at my church and we delivered gifts to the kids today. Then, I have a wonderful kids play that I wrote to look forward to tomorrow.
So excited that you will be spending some time with your Littles. They are growing up so fast! The other things can wait...you've got memories to share! Merry Christmas, my friend!!
I had nothing done until THIS MORNING! Our decorations were up for about 2 weeks but the house was a mess, no cooking, did last minute shopping today... I have no idea how I pulled it off and got the place clean. Have a wonderful Christmas.
Krissy @ Mommy Misc...
Sometimes, there are no words for tragedies like these. I'm saying prayers for Crew and family. And for you to find the health and strength to carry on. But, don't feel bad, we aren't all having a Budweiser Card type Christmas, I think we set too many expectations and thats why the let down when it doesn't turn out like that for us. This year, I DIDN'T send cards, DIDN'T decorate the house and we went to our daughters for dinner. It was great! I started to feel guilty because I hadn't decorated, but we were home for only a short time, and it just didn't make sense. I'm not gonna beat myself up for it. Bless you, you are a sensitive woman and a caring mom, wife and grandma. Happy New Year!
Ultimate post !! Thanks for sharing.
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