Sunday, September 30, 2012

The Real Life of the Powells

Our brokenness is a far better bridge to others than our pretend wholeness ever is was a tweet I read today from Sheila Walsh.....


I have written ten posts in my head late at night after I lay down. By morning I am too sleep deprived to type them and another day passes.

I never intended to become a once a month blogger. I promise not to stay one. So many of you have emailed me and I have not been avoiding you, I just have not had the emotional energy to write. 
For four years I have shared all the happy times in our lives, trips with family, cherished days with the little's, many visits to see the MOUSE.... You know my love of little boys...especially mine.

You have prayed me through very sick babies, my husbands stroke and rehab, the death of both my parents, an injury during tree season.

We banded together to pray for a little boy named Crew.  We have done life together since I leaped into the blog world.

We all know life is not all pretty. And I am not always the bubbly Christmas Tree Lady..although I need to take on that role very soon.

I heard Ann Romney say on Kelly and Michael, that no matter whether you are rich , poor, black, white or purple,
we all walk through hard places. (I do love Michael Strahan....it probably has to do with my love for football)

That is where I am have been and and still am and the reason I have not been blogging.

A dark place. Broken...Sad, Tired, Heart sick, Full of fear....but I do see some light! The situation is not one you share with everyone.
I DO know THAT every time I get real transparent, I get emails from others that are walking down the same road. 
Encouragement is something I think we probably all need a dose of.

Our beautiful daughter,Amanda, mom to Jack and Parker, as most of you know, moved to the other side of Houston in July.

Nothing and I mean nothing has ever hit me like being away from them on a daily basis. I have not seen the boys in 50 plus days (hopefully this will be the week I see them) !!!!!

NONE of us have handled it right. Some think I have a chronic and severe case of EMPTY NEST SYNDROME.   This is really my first time to have an empty nest in 38 years.
 
Some think I just got deeply depressed and kept spiraling ....
 
There have been hurt feelings, silence, "get your act together", from Greg, "Mom, they are only 5 hours away"! 

In our family if one person is UPSET, it upsets everyone.

Let's just say in Empty Nest I have failed miserably. 
 
I do trees to pay the bills, but my PASSION is grandchildren.
I understand that most grandparents do not see their grand kids everyday, but our situation had been different. For almost the first seven years of his life Parker lived with us and then along came Jack and he stayed with us so much. When those boys moved at 13 and 4, neither had ever stayed with a babysitter.  And I had never been without a LAUGH. 
YOU name the emotion and we have had it.

(Don't think I have been in a mental hospital......I have just been so sad) 

I have cried 10,000 tears, seen a couple of doctors for fear I was losing my mind, panicked daily because I am behind on tree stuff, been paralyzed at home so sad I could not function.

It's not something you can talk about with many people ...but as Sheila Walsh said,
 
Our brokenness is a far better bridge to others than our pretend wholeness ever is. .....

so I am sharing it with YOU!

Now in the middle of all this Jack has had some medical tests run. We did not get the results we had hoped for. 
His heart is tired and causing some pulmonary problems... He is trying some new inhalers and some pulmonary rehab and it will take a couple of months to know if that is helping. 
So we wait and I worry...and pray. Things seem to be good right now. But I know from experience things can change in a moment.

He is my rock and I have never known it more than during these last two months.

We are in Dallas in a great hotel watching football today and ordering room service.(one of our favorite things to do) !!

I have had some huge problems with insomnia in the last few months and last night slept TEN hours without waking up.  Thank you Lord.

We are here to go to market tomorrow and Tuesday. This week is the 2nd Anniversary of his stroke right here in this town. The fact that he is sitting here by me on the bed reading the paper and drinking coffee in itself is a miracle. I know MIRACLES. Thank you Lord.

Since you have not seen any pictures for awhile, I will leave you with a few that make me smile. 

SWEET JACK

ONE OF HIS LAST DAYS IN SHREVEPORT

GRAY THE SOCCER PLAYER

OUR ANGEL

PARKERS FIRST DAY IN A NEW SCHOOL

THE SHIRT SAYS IT ALL
 

I MISS MY GIRL   AMANDA AND HER FRIEND DARLA

 
GREG AND DANA
 
And because you have patiently waited for me to come back, I have a GIVEAWAY.....A $50.00 card box....everyone's favorite and I have a new supply of cards.....
I will have PARKER draw next weekend when he is HOME.

Coming soon....some holiday news...We have a new house that is going to be so much fun....full of Elves and Santas ..a winter wonderland for someone else's little grandchildren. We are on an ELF hunt right now...we need 200.

If anyone in blogland would like to do a Christmas post on A Baby Changes Everything and maybe generate some traffic for their blog, I would love to offer it for the next couple of weeks...just leave it in the comments...For the next three weeks I will be getting ready for the season. We do our first tree on Oct 25th. 

Now hoping to visit some blogs.  I have missed you. 

 


almost forgot.....this is my good friend and was my 6 month old neighbor when we moved to Shreveport 22 years ago....and the most AMAZING KID

DEZ DURON   DO NOT MISS THE VOICE


 





25 comments:

Chris H said...

{{{HUGS}}} I too know how it feels to miss one's grandbabies. Hang in there, you will get used to the change eventually, and believe it or not... your heart will not feel broken forever.

Debby said...

I know how hard this is. 4 of my 6 grandchildren live in COlorado and I live in Ohio. It seems our visits get farther apart due to finances. I am going to see them in OCtober and it will be 5 months......longest time to date.
I am like you, the grandchildren are my life. The two that live here we get to see but not often enough.
Hope things get better.

Darla Bergeron said...

just keep putting your thoughts to paper and voicing them...we are all entitled to feel those raw emotions! It's much better to get it out....be vocal...allow the opportunity for people to pray for you...they can't if they dont know you have a need for intercessory. God is a BIG God..one that heals and restores sight to the blind, surely he will restore happiness and wholeness to a broken heart! Your baby girl does love you and just wants to have her mommy to lay her head on and share her heart. Hope to see you soon!!!

Debby@Just Breathe said...

You have been on my mind more often than I can count. ((HUGS)) I knew when your precious grandsons moved away it would break your spirit along with your heart. I prayed for all of you. Glad you will be seeing them soon. Hard to believe it will be 2 years since Jack was ill. With my pulmonary issues for over 40 years I just want to say that when I was put on Advair a few years ago it helped but the very best thing that has ever happened to my lungs was when my doctor suggested using Spiriva back in February between the doses of Advair. It was the best miracle I received in 40 years! FYI Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing your heart.

Theresa said...

I SURE have missed you and SOOOOO understand your heartbreak:( FOUR live very close but THREE of my Grandchildren live SEVEN hours away and I don't get to see them very often! Just get your hiney in the car and go visit them OR jump on a plane! I know that they miss you too! To those that don't understand, WELL they just don't understand, I DO:) Love you to pieces and pray for you to be happy, Jack to be healthy and that you sleep like a baby! HUGS and PRAYERS coming your way!

joanne said...

I know how busy you get T and I wasn't worried that you had not blogged and now I feel so bad for not knowing how much you were struggling. I have suffered from the depression monster on more than one occasion and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Especially anyone as lovely and kind as you are. I hope that a dose of those grands will help pull you back into the light. You are on my mind and my heart and I will keep praying for you. take care dear one, you are not alone. jj

Nezzy (Cow Patty Surprise) said...

Oh darlin' my heart goes out to you, please feel the warm hag I'm sendin' your way. I wish I could do more than pray for all you and your precious family are goin' through.

Feel my prayers sister...as hopeless as things may feel right now I know a greater power who can mend the brokenness.

God bless you sweet friend and know I'm here for ya! :o)

BTW: Loved the pics!!!

Grammy Suzzy said...

I am so very, very sorry! Our youngest left 7 months ago to serve a church mission. I had NO idea that it would hit me like a ton of bricks. We have 3 grandbabies that live 4 hours away. I see them about every two months, but I text them all the time. I am so sorry, for I cannot even imagine how I would feel if they had lived near me for so long. I am crazy now missing them. I have not found things to fill my days yet but I am hoping to. Prayers are for you.

Debbie Petras said...

I have missed reading your blog posts! I've seen you on Pinterest so I knew you were around. :)

Believe me, life is not a bowl of chocolates. Was that Tom Hanks who said that? Regardless, sometimes it seems like we go from one hard place to another. For me, it is different from your hard place. But it's good we can be there for each other and pray for one another.

I am very excited to know that Dez lived near you. I loved him on The Voice. My husband and I will be cheering him on!

Hang in there sister. When you get to this place, run to Jesus. He is the best and most solid Rock of all. Praying for you.

Blessings and love,
Debbie

Love Being A Nonny said...

I felt your pain in every word you wrote. Nothing breaks the heart of a grandmother more than the hurt that comes from those littles. I feel your pain and understand...unfortunately. I prayed my girl home....from PA to NC. Though she is now only two hours away, that's an hour and 59 minutes too many. I care and understand Teresa.

Much love, NONNY

GLENDA CHILDERS said...

I am sorry for the losses you have experienced. Every year I read my favorite book on loss ... and it is always needed.

A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittzer. It would be a good companion to your journey.

Fondly,
Glenda

Are We There Yet! said...

Teresa,
This is my first trip to your blog. I can feel your pain in your post. It is so hard when our kids move away, so hard.
I really miss my Grandkids too... but we text back and forth and talk on facebook. Have you tried skype yet??

DeanO said...

Thanks for sharing

Wendy's World said...

I have 4 grandkids. They are 4, 4, 3 and 1. They are my world and came to me during a crisis time in my life.
Well, 4 weeks ago my husband took a job 1750 miles away from here. We are packed and will be out of here in 3 weeks. I don't know how I am going to do it other than trusting God. All that to say, I feel your pain. I know HE knows what HE is doing but it still is very difficult. Please keep blogging. Thanks and I can't wait to see your Christmas creations.

sharon said...

So sorry you are hurting but praying that each day is a little easier! Life often comes at you hard and it seems to have hit you that way! Hoping tomorrow will be a new day!

Cathy said...

I love your blog, as it has been a long time since I visited. My heart breaks for you...but I am so close to Houston it made me feel as if I knew you. I do pray you get to see them so very soon.
My daughter (who is 27 yrs old) live just a few doors down and was very much a part of Annabel's life. She decided to go to law school there in Houston and I miss her so and she is onlyn90miles away.
I am glad you are having a peaceful weekend with your hubby.
Cathy (Annabel's mommy)
annabelgrace.blogspot.com

Ashley said...

I'm so sorry your heart has been hurting. I understand hurting hearts. Ashley Kate's grandparents just moved to Colorado 14 hours away from her. She unfortunately has no understanding of where they have gone or why. Makes my heart ache for her. I've missed your posts. Hoping your heart begins to heal and that answers for how best to treat Jack will be quick in coming. Love you, Trish

Justabeachkat said...

Although I've known what's been going on since we met for lunch this summer and since we "talk" through facebook private messages, emails, etc., I'm still so glad to see you blog again. I'm glad too that you've decided to post about what's going on. Sometimes life is just HARD. And even in our grief, we can help others by letting them know they are not alone. I'm sure you have helped someone through your honesty. I sure do love you my sweet sweet friend. Praying life will get easier for you soon. Praying for your sweet hubby too.

Big hugs and much love,
Kat

Bacardi Mama said...

Even though you have told me about this before, I am still reading this post through tears. It breaks my heart that you are going through such pain and heartache. You remain in my thoughts and prayers. Much love and hugs alaways!!

Bacardi Mama said...

p.s. I don't know what you are looking for in a guest post, but if I can help you out, please let me know.

Musicaljean said...

So glad to hear from you! I LOVE your transparency. I so identify with wanting to be that person who is upbeat and making everyone feel happy, but real life just is not like that sometimes. I do hope you get to see those boys soon.

Simone said...

I hear your heavy heart, my friend. Only God can touch the sadness that you are feeling inside. The joy is in knowing that you will be seeing those babies soon. I feel like I have watched them all grow up so I can only imagine what it is that you are feeling with Parker and Jack and Amanda being far away. Whether it is 5 miles or 500 miles, it is still very difficult. Hugs to you, my friend. I'm here.

By the way, Grayson is such a big boy now. They are all so very beautiful!

Terra said...

Teresa you are a beautiful encourager, even as you have shared some of your pain and tears here with us. I hope this fall and Christmas season bring you much good news re family, grandsons, and your hubby's health. I love your spirit, and how you trust God, even in the silence.

Sonja said...

I can hear your hurt in your words. I have been drawn to Laura Sory's song lately... 'what if His blessings come through raindrops, what if his healing comes through tears, what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know he's there'... etc.

There are just 'those times', and always, ALWAYS, God carries us through them and we know more of his faithfulness.

Having said all that, I hope you get to see them all SOON! :)

Hugs!

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

oh, my grandbabies (of which I now have 8 and 1 on the way!) are my PASSION as well! When they are off pipelining I miss them so much!

Praying for you my sweet friend! Please keep my sister Cari in your prayers as she endures chemo - she is in Shreveport at WK Pierremont preparing for stem cell transpalnt. I am back and forth between shreveport and oak Grove and covet your prayers!