Saturday, August 25, 2012


The title is the reason it has been so long since my last post.  And I still don't know the answer....
I have always been transparent...maybe to a fault.  I have total writers block when I am not transparent.  I may have no readers left.   And its time to start the Christmas Blog. 
The Tree schedule is set or at least almost.  But that's not the point of this post. 

I am just going to write one of my random posts and see where it goes. Most of you know I am walking in a hard place...very hard place, hardest place in my life   That's another problem, I have so many friends in the fight with very sick children and adults that are in cancer battles.  I have friends that need work, friends that are going thru divorces...all that sounds more serious than mine. But pain is pain and we all have our own.

I have a report from Marie on Crew that I knew you would love to hear. I know you love hearing from her....

Hello! Well he is 16 pounds of beautiful baby! His kidneys are no better so they are keeping a close eye to make sure it's not getting worse. Still on all medication. His bladder is growing but not enough to do the tests they need, so we are just waiting to see what his body does. Tomorrow is our first spina bifida clinic in Little Rock so we shall see what that brings! He also has to have more kidney tests tomorrow. We are there at least once every couple weeks! Then on September 6th we fly to New York to see a neurosurgeon specialist about his head. Because of laying on his back 24/7 for 4 months his skull is flat and a little misshaped. This doctor said it may explain his vomiting. It's a miracle we can get into him, he is known as the "miracle doc" in NY and on good morning America and all sorts of shows! I emailed him and the same day he emailed back and said be would be happy to evaluate Crew! So that's what's going on with him right now! Hope all is well! Gotta get some sleep for this drive at 4 am!

Another prayer request happened right here in my town to a family I know.  The Dad is a well respected trauma surgeon at our Medical Center.  Wednesday for some reason and it was very unusual for him to take his 6 mo baby girl, Lourdes, to the day care.  Their only child!  He comes from a wonderful Christian family that is well known in my town.  On the way the hospital called and he got very distracted and a patient needed surgery ASAP.  He pulled in the hospital and you know the rest of the story...The wife called later and said they had called from day care wondering where Lourdes was. He raced to his car but she was already dead from the heat.  A tragedy, an accident...can you even imagine? Please say a prayer for this family. 

You will never know how much your emails to me asking if I was OK have meant....Bloggers are the kindest people.  I have thought about taking my blog private for a season.  I don't even know how to do that.  Guess we will see!

WE are going thru a very rough time in our family.  Our hearts are broken and getting up everyday is pretty much the accomplishment I do each day.  We are not seeing the "littles" and the kids had been our life for so many years.   

Today was an extra hard day.
When I got up there was an email address in my inbox that I had not seen in 3 plus years.   It really does not matter who it was from, to me it was just God telling me he still new my name and where I was.....I am going to share it with you without the name.....and if you need to know the same thing, claim this letter for yourself.

I don't really know how to start this letter and have contemplated writing it for a year. The time has come where God is not letting me go another day without getting it done. I don't recall exactly what I said to you the last time I wrote you, but I do know it was terribly unkind and hurtful. I am certain you probably remember it close to word for word. That is the thing about hurtful words. The offender is able to forget them but those we offend are left with the memory of them and the way they felt when they were spoken. I could sit here and list everything I was going through at the time and offer them up as reasons but they would be excuses. I cannot excuse the way I treated you. The truth is, I remember most everything about the last email I recieved from you. Your words hurt me but they didn't hurt because you said them. They hurt because they were the truth. I did not recieve them in love, like I know you spoke them. I rejected them and tried to hurt you back. It was wrong and for that I am so very sorry. Proverbs 27:6 says "Wounds from a friend are better than kisses from an enemy." I wish I could sit down with myself a few years back and impart the wisdom from that one verse to that lost person.
I have found grace and forgiveness with my husband, my God, and my family. I have worked so very hard to earn the trust back that I lost with so many. I don't know why it has taken me so long to write this letter to you. It is certainly not because I forgot that I treated you so poorly. It is nothing more than me being a coward and fear of rejection. What God has revealed to me in my procrastination is that my apology is not about me. It is solely about you.
Teresa, I have loved you from the moment I met you and anyone I ever spoke your name to, I referred to you as my "spiritual mother". I am ashamed and embarassed it took me so long to right this wrong and I hope you can one day forgive me. You did not deserve the way I treated you. I hope you know it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me.
I wish you nothing but the very best,
That my friend came from God. 
Please comment and let me know you are still out there in blogland.
I am sorry I have been away so long.


Chris H said...

I am so happy wee Crew is doing well as can be expected right now... he is a special baby boy.

I have no idea of the trouble you are going through... I just hope that it is resolved soon because I know family trouble can eat away at your soul and make you miserable.
I do not wish that on anyone.

How utterly heartbreaking about little Lourdes and her parents.

So much sadness in your post Teresa, I am thinking of you {{{HUGS}}}.

Love Being A Nonny said...

That letter....oh, that letter. It is for me and for so many others I am sure.

My heart breaks for you...truly, it does. You never know what's down the road though....hang on friend.

Praying for the grieving parents of that precious baby.

Courtney said...

Oh my heart goes out to you. I am still here. I know how hard this has been for you. Stay strong. You have your busy time of year ahead of you. Prayers for you and your family.

Kay DeWitt said...

I am so happy to see a post from you. I check for a new one every day and hope you can find some peace. On some level, I can identify with your pain and I just pray things can get better. Please know you are loved and missed.

Theresa said...

God is there when we need him and when we think we don't:) I am feeling your heartbreak because I know how it feels! I am thankful that you got that letter for healing that part of your heart!

I will pray:) That is one thing that I can do!

HUGS and MUCH prayers!

Anonymous said...

Love you so much, Teresa. Your words are so true regarding pain. I am so sorry you are hurting right now. You sew such generous and genuinely caring seed in the lives of so many ~ I know that God sees every tear that you have cried and I know that He will see you through this!

My heart is breaking too, so many of my friends have recently been diagnosed with cancer and are going through such pain. It is heartbreaking!! I, too, have cried over the doctor who lost his child. I have been so saddened to see so many of the people on facebook that have judged him. Where is the compassion of people? Havent they ever made a mistake? I know I do on a daily basis? I thank God that He is not like those self righteous people.

Will continue to pray for you!!! Tammy Ewert

Vicki said...

Hi Teresa! Thank you so much for the update on Crew - what a praise! I am so sad for the Dr and his family. I will be praying for them. What a tragedy. I'm praying for you and your family in this time of transition. It's good hearing from you again!

Brenda said...

Praying for you. Delighting in the email letter. What a work of grace and restoration God is doing in the writer's life.

NanaNor's said...

Dear Teresa, There is something so healing about being able to be transparent because you reach so many that may not be reachable otherwise, even in your own pain. I'm thankful for the good report on Crew but praying for the family of Lourde's. I'm not sure what valley or desert you are walking through but I do know the Lord is right beside you, even when everything looks hopeless. Please know I would love to uphold you more, so if you can email me I would count it a privilege. Sending hugs to you today.

Laurie in Ca. said...

So thankful that Crew is still fighting the good fight as his needs are being met. Teresa, I too have been going through so much here at home and have totally dropped out of site because I don't want to complain. My heart breaks for you as you adjust to this new normal of missing the littles. I can't imagine how painful it is unless I put myself in your shoes. I am praying for you sweetie and read every post you write. Lifting you up with love and hugs and prayers. I wish I could just give you one of my bear hugs that don't quit until you feel how much you are loved. Thank you for the update. And for the surgeon who lost his precious daughter, my heart is broken to pieces for this man who helps so many others. Praying for him and his family as they deal with this tragedy. So much hurt going on in the world right now that it's hard to see the joy. The letter from your friend was huge and I hope it brings healing to you both. We are in the same valley and I am surprised we haven't slammed into eachother:) Love you lady and you have my prayers.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

debi said...

Teresa, I so hope you continue to blog...I had a sister who didn't speak to me for over 3 years..shortly prior losing my Mom on Mother's day this year she began speaking to me. I never heard the words in the letter you received (nor is it required ) but that letter oddly enough helps me to see what my sister was likely feeling. I would love to have received on any rate I forgave her long before she came around.
You sharing your daily life allows us the opportunity to pray for you and yours.

Hugs and prayers!!


debi said...

Teresa, I so hope you continue to blog...I had a sister who didn't speak to me for over 3 years..shortly prior losing my Mom on Mother's day this year she began speaking to me. I never heard the words in the letter you received (nor is it required ) but that letter oddly enough helps me to see what my sister was likely feeling. I would love to have received on any rate I forgave her long before she came around.
You sharing your daily life allows us the opportunity to pray for you and yours.

Hugs and prayers!!


Linda said...

Blogging has its ups and downs. Several people I follow have simply stopped blogging for one reason or another. I just thought perhaps you were one of those who's lives had just gotten too busy for blogging.

I am so very sorry that you have some family issues. That is so sad. I hope you will soon get to see the "littles" again, as I know you love them all so much. I will say a prayer about that. I pray it can all be resolved soon.

Thanks for the update on Crew. My husband and I pray for him and his sweet family. I hope he will have a normal happy life and be healed of his issues through good medical care or by God's healing touch.

Your busy season is just around the corner and I pray it will be a blessed one for you.

Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

sharon said...

So sorry for all you are going through! It seems that there is so muich pain and heartache going on right now. I am praying for you and all others from your post.

Lynn said...

I'm still here and so sorry for your hurting heart. I'm looking forward to your Christmas posts if you are in a place to write them. Sometimes when we are hurting we don't want scripture to be quoted 'at us'. I have been there and that is not my intent at all but if it helps remember His mercies are new every morning. I can't even imagine the pain of that young father, absolutely heart breaking.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Teresa, Even though your life is filled with so much sadness right now I was happy to see a post from you. Thank you for the update on Crew. Praying for a miracle.My heart is just aching with all that I have read here. I am praying to God to help each person/family through their pain. Sending special prayers for you. ((HUGS))

skoots1mom said...

prayers continuing for Crew...prayers for his next tests and doctor's visit

tragedy is abounding ... such hearthurt for the doctor and his family...we have a church member who crochets with us ... her 23-yo daughter was mawled by dogs she had saved from the horribly sad.

God's Love exceeds anything we could ever imagine...hope you get to hug your long-lost friend soon


LisaShaw said...


I'm very sorry to hear about Lourde's and the family. Praying for them now!!

I'm sorry to hear that you and your family are going through so much and I pray that God's strength and comfort would overwhelm every area and situation.

Matthew 11:28-30


Sue said...

Hi Teresa
It was nice to hear from you, and even though I don't know the details of your personal story, you are so right, pain is pain, and I pray that you will be able to see the results of all of the prayers that I know are being offered up for you.
Thank you for the update on Crew, and about little Lourdes, well, that is just heartbreaking for that family. I can not even imagine the pain that father is going through and will always go through.

Can't believe you are gearing up for the Christmas season ~ it can't be that time already is it?!

Blessing to you and your family, and drop by when you can. You are a bright spot in blogland:-)

Justabeachkat said...

Sweet friend, I think of you often and pray for you. I wish I could do more to help you get through this hard time. I really do.

Much love,

Bacardi Mama said...

Of course I am still here. I pray for you often and keep hoping that God will give you the strength to find a way to deal with this. I know you will. I guess it is just going to take a little time. Love you!

Anonymous said...

Hey Teresa,
You don't know me from Adam's house cat, but I do love your blog. There aren't enough out there for 'my age group'. I love pretty homes, clothes, etc, like everyone else. But my favorites are the ones like yours. About grands, children, faith, etc. It's not an easy time in our lives, having kids move away, losing parents (I lost my mother 5 wks ago). But there are a lot of good things too. Praying that you find happiness in the days to come, and there is one thing to smile about. College football begins Thursday! War Eagle!
Kathy in Jackson, MS

Sheryl said...

You know I am still here. But I just read through each of the comments, you are loved!! And it's not surprising. You are easy to love. Thanks for always pouring into my life. Praying and loving you from Michigan.

Musicaljean said...

Again your grief is so real to me. I just HATE what you're experiencing, and I can hardly stand to think about it, because of the painful memories it brings. God's grace, as well as time, do eventually bring some healing. But for now I just pray for comfort and the strength to go through each day.

Terra said...

Teresa, I love knowing you over the years thru your blog and FB and came here today to check on you. I was glad to see you posted, so we can send you words and prayers of encouragement. I know you miss those littles. I also hope Crew has success in healing.
"Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers." 3 John 2
Your friend in California, Terra.

Mammy said...

Hey, Girlfriend, just dropped by to say I miss you and I continue to pray for you and your precious family. Blessings to you today!

Annmarie Pipa said...

glad to read a post from you.
wow...Crew looks fabulous in the photo, amazing to think what he went through...and that surgeon..oh my goodness. prayers prayers...

Musicaljean said...

I hope you post something here again. ((((Hugs))))