A FIRST

Tonight I am putting up my Christmas tree.  It is the first time in 38 years that Jack is not sitting in his chair telling me how great it looks.  Jack is not here and has not been for almost three weeks. You might want to stop right here and look at the little's.
It’s a good thing I wrote a few funnies on Saturday night, as nothing has been funny since.  I am not going to bore you with all the details but this has not been a good few days.  Jack was fighting an infection on Sunday and Monday, thus no rehab in case it was a blood clot.  I think that has been ruled out now.  No rehab equaled a down and really somewhat depressed man.  Something I have rarely seen in the last 38 years. 
People  have done crazy things. I am not going to go into it on the blog, but when you think you have seen everything, trust me you have not.  This is not something I am wanting you to wonder about, its just something I have not decided how I am going to deal with.  And if I wrote about it I would get 100 comments and they would all say, “I am rereading the post to be sure I got that right”!
One blog buddy gave me some great advice.  Totally focus on the things that really matter; Jack getting better, my kids and the little's, and my business (which because of the time of year, I have no other choice).  Then drop everything else.  That’s my new plan.
I am still learning.  I have learned that a giant catastrophe in life divides friends from real friends.  I did not realize people could make such stupid remarks when someone is sick and make suggestions that border on insane. Lord, help me never to assume anything when someone is sick. 
Hard times teach you a lot. I have learned that we, even in our small family unit all process this differently. We all cope different and we all have different breaking points. There is no “how to book”  on reacting to something that scares you to death.
Part of me is so mad at myself  for not insisting there was a problem when the doctor seemed to take some huge symptoms so lightly. Jack trusted this doctor, he wanted to believe that he knew what he was doing and though I questioned it regularly, I did not really insist that we make a change.  How I wish I had. 
There have been those friends that have helped me more than they will ever realize.  You have a thank you note coming (probably in 2011) but for now, know that I will never forget your kindness.  Some of you that have done what seemed like small things. You will never know what a difference you have made. Terri, thank you for doing what I could not do yesterday, FOCUS. You got more done in a few hours than I have in a week.
Jack is working hard and we think we have found a great just rehab place as soon as all the medical issues are resolved.  I want him to get every ounce of great rehab that is available.
I will leave you with some happy faces..Jack getting to sit in the pilots seat this weekend, Jack and Grayson having a cousins play night, Jack insisting that little Grayson push him and Jack sleeping with his Aunt Dana while the rest of us were  all in Dallas.
 

I see happiness in Jack’s eyes when the boys get up in the bed with him.  They love pushing all the buttons on the bed, paging the nurses.  Let’s just say everyone in the rehab facility knows them…Jack bit someone at school today and Amanda asked him if he was sorry.  That would be a NO, the boy had his STUFF.
For the next couple of weeks, my posts will probably be weekly.  We have a huge deadline to get Christmas stuff ready. My house looks like Christmas Wonderland right now. That’s my house not my heart.   The problem is there is no where to step without stepping on a wreath or knocking a tree over.
Thank you again for all the notes of encouragement.  This is foreign territory for me. And most days I have failed miserably on this test.