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For the next few weeks and months you may want to skip my blog. I will post an update on Jack at the beginning and then you may want to just quit. It will not be all cute pictures and stories of the little's, it will be hard and raw gut feelings because right now that's all I can write. I will certainly understand if you don't want to read them. The good news is after the test today the bleed has stopped or at least was the same as yesterday. Jack was moved back to the stroke floor and everything, at least for now seems to be as good as you can be three days after suffering a major stroke and according to Roger probably being only a few hours from death had someone not found him. Roger knows much more about the first hours as he got to the hospital much quicker than we did. But I need to find some fight and get on board and stop crying....(I know that because I have spent the last 2 hours on the phone with Roger getting some counsel on why I have fallen apart. He is the doctor friend I told you about yesterday that has walked with us this week, treated us for any ailment we had for 25 years but also a friend that I can say anything to. BUT, he would and does say anything to me. It’s REAL with us and the difference is he is not only medical brilliant, but he knows me. And I am sure before the week ends he will have to say some hard things to me.
It has not been a good day for me or Amanda. Actually it has been the hardest day for me, even though we had more wonderful friends drive in to see us…Laura Wade…you blew our mind with the gift bag…I have owned a gift basket business for 20 years and have never put together anything like what you brought us. Seeing you and Bill today was the high point of our day…You are as beautiful as ever and Bill you have not aged a day….kind of made me sick…Danny and Debbie…taking time out of your day was a gift to us. Thank you. If any of you called today, I am so sorry I did not answer. We were bombarded with some facts that I just could not deal with and it was like someone opened a faucet and I could not stop crying…..Greg and Micah went home late today. They needed to and Jack was stable enough for them to go work a couple of days, check on the little's, but their goodbyes were gut wrenching . These two men love Jack so much and are not shy about telling him and showing him. So tonight it is just me and Amanda and we have different rooms. We needed to grieve alone. All we had to do today was look at each other and the water works started again. So I am assuming she has been asleep for hours and I am on my normal schedule blogging. Remember I said this is going to be RAW WRITING. I am scared to death of a thousand things. The “What if’s” and “How will we?” are my constant companions and at one point today I wanted to run out of the room and just keep running. For a control person to have absolutely NO CONTROL, may require professional help. They gave me a stack of literature on dealing with a stroke and I came to the hotel, took it out of my purse and threw it in the trash. They needed to talk to me about an inpatient acute REHAB CENTER in SHREVEPORT and I told them we do not do REHAB, we do DISNEY. (Just need to throw this in because some of my tree people are my FB friends…Do not worry about your tree…I will be there just like normal and make your home magical.) At this point I don’t have every detail worked out, but I will.
Tonight there were 342 emails…Talk about feeling loved. Knowing how much your MAN is loved and being prayed for is more than I can ask for. Eventually I will answer those emails, phone messages and texts, but for right now, the blog and FB is all I have the energy to do. Please know that I appreciate them…Two of JACK’S old football players called today and again it reminded me what an impact he had on kids he coached. Mike McClendon, your text today made us laugh and then I cried again. Amanda read it to Jack and he even had a slight smile. I wish I could hug you and we could solve the worlds problems.
The fact is our lives are changed forever. That means a lot of different things and only time will tell exactly how. So I will be honest and tell you I did not do good today…have never felt weaker, and am so disappointed in ME for not being better at this.
I would love to say its because its almost tree season and there are just lots of things to get done. BUT the real reason is that Jack has treated me like a Queen for all our married years. My close friends are all reading this and shaking their heads YES, and some will even be saying I never appreciated it enough. My feelings (which really should be on the back burner now) are that I am so scared that I will not be able to serve him the same way. And that’s just the UGLY facts. I know that because Roger just told me that and as bad as that stings, he is (as always) RIGHT. SO if you want to UNFOLLOW me now,(that’s blog language) just remember I always told you that I had no idea where we were going and now that I do, I am pretty sure you do NOT want to FOLLOW. You still will not be wasting prayers on Jack as he is not out of the woods, but you can also pray that I can get my stuff together. Micah and Greg leaving left me even more scared. One of them had been next to me and Amanda for 3 days. So you have seen the UGLY me, but I need to keep it real. One of the sweetest things all day….Amanda knew I was crying when she left to go to her room…she left and a minute later walked back in and hugged me and said “Mom, we will not let you and Dad take one step without us. This is not Dad’s battle, this is our families battle and we will all do life together.”! If you are not so depressed after this post, that you will never come back, tomorrow night I promise some of the sweetest pictures Micah and Dana emailed me of the little's.
Its almost 3 now so I know I am in trouble….Amanda told me to go to bed at 10
I love everyone of you that have contacted me and at some point I will call or text. Sheila, if you are reading this I need to talk to you tomorrow…I know I will not make it home for Friday, so relook at your schedule. I have never needed you more. And Roger I know you are still up as you just text me...if you make it to the end of this, thank you for being BRUTALLY honest with me tonight. Ambien is calling my name.
With love,
Teresa
(Linda, if you are reading this, please do not check it for proper grammar or punctuation.)
Not even sure where to start and forgive the typos tonight. I have had one hour sleep in about the last 37 hours, but was not going to lay down tonight until I wrote a post. It is a rare thing for my adult son and I to share a hotel room and Amanda and Micah next door . But that’s it tonight. Just us. The four of us have been a team for the past 48 hours. You would be the three I would pick every time. The day did not start good. We got a call very early that Jack had some setbacks during the night and they were moving him to the most serious part of the ICU, then arriving there and not seeing him for a couple of hours while they did yet another cat scan. Then there was almost an altercation when a bit of a smart A** neurologist, a young female doctor told me and this is a direct quote “You ask too many questions”! I could see all three kids out of the corner of my eye and knew exactly what they were thinking …"LADY, I would be very careful,my Mom will have you written up by the head of Baylor Medical Center before you can get out of this room”! Really all I did was stand up and say, “I will ask as many questions as I have and if you cannot answer them find someone that can.” She was not in doubt about what I meant. That was not the thing to say to a very tired lady going on no sleep and scared to death that the man she had been married to for 37 years was about to die. I wish we were in Shreveport, we are NOT. We have not seen the same doctor twice since we arrived. Each one enters the room saying, Get me up to speed on what has happened”! That would be computers, reports, previous doctors…That's a story for another day. I need them to give me information and not me give it to them. When I was finally able to get to my email, which I had cleaned out the day before all this happened, I had 212 emails, more texts and messages on my phone than I can count…Tonight there is another 187 emails. Tonight I am too emotional to even tell you what they have meant. Yesterday we were strong, today Amanda and I both have cried most of the day…That really hard ugly cry, Greg and Micah have both had their moments, they are scared, but they have tried to take care of us. INSERT..Greg is now snoring. To everyone of you I can only say thanks from the bottom of our heart…the notes from his football players from past days would make Amanda and I bawl our eyes out. We both look like we have been run over and then run over again. There would be times the doctors were so grim, then a text would come at just the right moment. EVERY TEXT message or email encouraged us. I know many of you have called…to be honest we just could not talk without crying so we turned our phones off. The MRI did show a bleed, we pray that the one tomorrow shows it has stopped. Because of the bleed, that means no aspirin or blood thinners and for someone with a heart issue that’s not your first choice. Jack’s heart has had some abnormal things going on…He has lost 34 pounds of fluid in 24 hours…pumping the lasix in. I am not going into all the medical stuff because it could all be different tomorrow and its complicated.
I am going to do something I probably should not tonight because I am going to leave someone out.. If I leave you out I will wake up in the middle of the night and remember…but two couples that are some of our oldest friends from our coaching days arrived about lunch.. Each drove a long way..Linda and James, Tommie and Wayne, you were the best medicine Jack has received. We could see a total difference after you were here. I know it was not easy for you to see him right now. I saw it in your faces and in the tears in your eyes. Forever we will love you for making the trip today. Debbie thanks for the key and the offer of your home. Your closeness to the hospital may be something I take you up on.
Terri, you have done more than we could ever repay…bringing us another car today, taking care of so many little things for us, picking up some meds for me and driving Greg’s car, the car dealers car that has needed an inspection sticker for a year and he works where he could get one. I am so glad that you are here now.
Jean, thank you for helping me get in touch with Larry…that was a weird request and you jumped right on it. And if you see him before me tell him thanks. Sara you have been such a help taking care of Bella
Mike McClendon, I could not talk to you on the phone without totally falling apart. Amanda and I cried and cried when you said you would hop on a plane from California if we needed you. I know how much you love Coach and don’t ever doubt for one second how much he loves you. Barb, thank you for calling from Chicago. I might not know the power of prayer without your example. Johnny thank you for encouraging Greg…He has tried to be so strong and there has never been a boy that loved his Dad anymore than Greg loves Jack. I have seen his lip tremble more than a few times in the last 2 days, felt his arm around my shoulder telling me everything was going to be OK, when I knew he was not sure. Micah, your love for POP has been so evident and your hugs never more needed…and the way you love on my girl makes me love you more. You were due that break down in the middle of the day. We have all had to let it go and just cry. Dana, thanks for taking care of ALL the little's and keeping their minds off POP. Pam, thank you for calling at just the right time and praying with me. We had just gotten some scary news and were all trying to process it. Jonathan thanks for coming by. It was so good to see you. Elizabeth, I just saw where you started the prayer page. I love you. Amanda, thank you for every time you got down close to DAD and begged him to FIGHT. He heard you. There is no doubt that prayer got us through today and we even saw HOPE late this afternoon. And it was your prayers because I have been too overwhelmed to even pray. Jack moved his left hand for the first time late today. He can move all four extremities and his speech is much better. We are not out of the woods. The bleed is still a huge concern..and I am a planner and for the first time in a long time and maybe ever, I can make no plans past tomorrow. Period. I have no clue what the next few weeks and months hold.
Roger, you will never read this but we could not have made the past two days without you. Your knowledge and lay term explanations have been invaluable and your humor has literally kept us sane. You are a ONE and ONLY, nobody else like you and man are we glad to have called you friend for more years than I want to type. Happy Birthday…knowing you are a phone call away helps us get some sleep. I know I have forgotten someone…My brain is fried.
We understand now how close we came to losing Jack on Saturday morning. That the flight crew did not really think he would make it, that a receptionist at the hotel found him and began to pray. I cannot even imagine what it was like those 4 hours he was laying in the floor waiting for help.
I am going to sleep for a few hours feeling more encouraged than last night. We had the kindest nurse today and she told me she had seen people in MUCH worse shape than Jack make full recoveries. I needed to hear that.
I will try to post again tomorrow night…and praying that it will be good news.
with gratitude to God,
Teresa
Its almost 3 Am and I am not sure
I can put three sentences together, but will try. Terri has been so wonderful to post for me today…She was at our house in a matter of minutes of me getting the call and was able to go and help my Amanda get ready….and watch baby Jack.
the manager of the Hampton Inn where they found Jack called me before we left Shreveport to tell me we had as many rooms as we needed as long as we were in Dallas as their guest. There are still kind people in the world. We are at the hotel for a few hours, though I am afraid sleep may not come. we have no idea how long Jack had been on the floor trying to get help when they found him after having to bust the door in. It has been a nightmare. We are so fortunate to have a very close friend that is a doctor…actually Jacks roommate from college and he was here several hours before us and has helped make every decision plus he speaks to us in lay terms and consults with the doctors. We may be going back to the hospital as his heart rate has been dropping. Without going into a million details,he had a stoke, he is in congestive heart failure and his kidney functions are not good. Now they just called and his heart rate is dropping… He is in ICU, in the stroke pod….whatever that is. He has been in tremendous pain and this is a man that never complains about anything. He had a horrible procedure with no sedation and may never forget the trauma of that..and then the central line came out and he lost lots of blood quickly…
He does know us and we are all here…Dana stayed home with the babies. Parker does not know so should you run into him, say nothing. Tomorrow there is a possibility of surgery as his ceratoid (sp) artery has some blockage. There will be a consult with a vascular surgeon. So at this point please pray that his breathing stabilizes and that he makes it through the night….the next 24 hours are critical…I cannot thank you enough for all your prayers, texts, calls. We have very limited cell coverage in the hospital…if you need to call into his room, the number is T325
214 818 8825
nurses station 214 820 3909
We are all here…..Micah flew in from a business trip in San Antonio and Greg and Amanda are with me so we are ok. Will write more when I can. Please pray the he lives, as 4 little boys really need this man……
With hearts full of gratitude, thanks
for your prayers,
Teresa
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